We all have insecurities, some are more apparent than others. My downfall until recently is wanting to be accepted by others. Growing up as a child, I saw how people reacted to my large family and sized us up as being very poor. I still remember the sting of bully's picking on my disabled brother and the fact we were 'fatherless'. As I grew into my teen years, I felt like an ugly duckling which was reinforced by comments and more bullying throughout high school.
Now that I am nearing 30 and am dearly in love with Christ, He is taking down my walls brick by brick. Although some days I must admit, I'm trying to wrestle those bricks out of His hands and back onto my wall. Wanting to be accepted by others is a deep seated desire of friendship, a sense of normal, and belonging. I can't help but ache when a sister in Christ gives me the cold shoulder or gossips about my past behind my back. Though I've handled these situations Biblically before, the result is the same, I have not gained what my heart wants most, acceptance.
It wasn't until this morning when I was emailing a close friend and confidant about the situation when God gently reminded me of five things:
- When I accepted Jesus as my savior, I lost my citizenship status of this world.
- Not every person I meet in my life time is going to like me.
- I am not to gain favor with man (or every woman for that matter) but strive to be like Jesus.
- I am to seek God's face and no one else's.
- The only acceptance or approval I should EVER seek is Christ.
If you have wounds like I do and long for acceptance, ask Jesus to heal your heart and pick up the book Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson, and meditate on Ephesians 3:16-21.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."