Stinkin' Thinkin': 3 Tips to Take Those Thoughts Captive

Have you heard the term, "Stinkin' thinkin'"? It makes me giggle along with my kids. It rhymes, it's catchy. It reminds me every time I hear it or think it, that I need to take my thoughts captive. Maybe you do too, which is why I wanted to share with you. 

“…and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ…”  2 Corinthians 10:5 

Your Thoughts Are Who You Are

Do you struggle to take control of your thoughts? I know I do. Very recently, after a misunderstanding, old wounds were reopened and all I could do was dwell on the injustice I felt. What I didn't realize was how it colored everything. Because my thoughts were dwelling on this incident, it painted how I thought of my kids, my work, and myself. 

Maybe you struggle with envy, jealousy, rejection, worry, or fear. Or your thoughts are just plain unkind, crabby, unhelpful thoughts like:

"What is she doing on the worship team, have you seen the suggestive clothes she wears?"

"Why does she always seem to have the newest phone or shoes, new curtains, new house, and when I buy stuff, it doesn't look that good. My taste stinks."

"I can't believe they let that woman in here."

"He wants to go to school next year, but I'm worried that he won't be ready."

"I never seem to have it all together, why I can't I be better at this?"

"She is SO unkind, just plain mean to me. I'm so hurt that she said that to me. And my kids have been little monsters today, they are SO not listening to me. AND the house is a complete disaster, AND I didn't have time to clean it. AND that to-do list of repairs is still on the fridge. AND my husband is going to be getting home late again...AND"

Tell me what you thought of the last example? Have you ever noticed that if you're in a stinky mood, it permeates and spills over onto everything that is happening in your life? Did you ever stop to notice how hard it is not have stinky thoughts? They just keep rolling in like tidal waves in a storm. Things keep getting worse and worse with no end in sight.

Thankfully I have a few tips that I've picked up along the way that I can share with you that I've learned from friends and because I've encountered situations like the examples of above.

Febreeze that Stinkin' Thinkin'

I Need a Brainwash

Music affects our moods, it has the ability to lighten our moods and lower our blood pressure. I love listening to my favorite radio stations.

• My Bridge Radio can be played on your computer or via radio. They now offer the lyrics to the songs they broadcast, which is awesome if you're a wordy chick like me.
• K-LOVE is another favorite I use online. 

Some of my current favorite videos via YouTube:

• Lose My Soul:Toby Mac, Kirk Franklin, & Mandisa
• The Lost Get Found: Britt Nicole (This is has been my ring tone for the three years.)
• From The Inside Out: Seventh Day Slumber (I'm a groupie, so proud of these boys!)

Of course you can always use your IPod and create a playlist of songs that are uplifting and remind you of who really is in charge of your life and your mind.

Stick It

Of course, we can't listen to music all of the time, but you do carry a purse don't you? Get some note cards or sticky notes, write out specific verses that empower you, knowing God is in control. 

Some of my favorite power Scriptures that I stand on are:

When I need peace:

• ...And the peace of God...will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7.
• “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you...“  John 14:27

When I need to know God is with me:

• “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…”  Isaiah 43:1-3
• “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.”  Psalm 118:6

Find Scriptures that speak to your heart, stick them in your purse, on your mirror, in your car, on your treadmill.

Let Someone Read to You

If you're a busy mama which I imagine you are, there are other ways to stay in God's word and let His Words strengthen your heart and clear your mind of stinky thoughts. I just discovered YouVersion for editing purposes but found they have apps for your latest gadget. It's a great way to stay in God's word or you can listen to it at night as you're falling asleep.

• You Version for IPhone
• You Version for Android
• Listen from your computer at Bible Gateway

Taking our thoughts captivated can be a tenaciousness process, unless we discipline ourselves to be grounded in God's Word. I've found over time, that my kids are better thinkers and actors when we are listening to worship music. I know your struggles are just as real as mine and it's hard to keep our thoughts pure, but with God all things are possible!

Move, You're In The Way

(Photo Source: www.utne.com)

        

     How many times have you been forcing to make something happen in your own strength? This past Sunday, as the Pastor touched on the Lord's Prayer. He described a story of a little boy who wanted to help his Daddy move a desk across the room. The father began pushing and the little boy braced his shoulder against the desk, and told his father, "Move Dad, you're in the way." Daddy of course chuckled and obliged his son's request.

The four year old little boy, pushed with all his might, but the desk would not move.

     Have you been there? You're working on a project with God, you know He's got your back, but the timing is moving too slow. Maybe it's not moving in the direction you wanted. You've told God, "Move out of the way, buddy, I got it," only to realize that when God steps back and says, "Have it your way," you find that life isn't moving anywhere?

     I've been there, in more ways that one. I was there for two years trying to get pregnant. I was there trying to make a career in management work. I was there when I was trying to avoid all charges of a felony offense. I was there when I was trying to make my marriage work.

     In case you haven't noticed, I tend to be a stubborn learner, with an education through the school of hard knocks, I've learned that unless I'm walking side by side with God, life doesn't move. If I run ahead of God, I'm pushing that desk all by myself. It's not until we invite God into our lives, that His strength begins being poured into us, when we say, "God, Your will be done, not mine. Walk with me Lord through this journey, show me Your way, and help me. I surrender."

    Yeah, I know what you're saying, "Surrender, that's a big word and huge effort." Surrendering doesn't mean we become powerless, it means we become filled with His power. It flows out of His spirit into ours, making the impossible happen.

   Whatever 'desk' you happen to be moving, invite God into your struggle, ask Him for help. You'll be amazed how quickly He moves. It reminds me of one of my favorite scripture verses:

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]. Philippians 4:13, Amplified Bible.

     

Harry Potter, Bella, Edward, and Jesus

   

     I must admit we were fans of Harry Potter when the movies first began arriving as box office hits. The basic plot of good versus evil, and the magic of believing in ourselves created a warm fuzzy feeling that I could conquer the challenges in my life. In the very least, it was a fun escape from reality.

     In the meantime, the craze of The Twilight Series that surrounded the characters Bella, Edward, and Jacob have raked in millions and created a huge following of teens and adults alike. Bella was a normal, average girl in love with a vampire, while Jacob, a shape shifting wolf was in love with her. Again the plot revolved around love conquering evil and how it can survive if we believe in ourselves.

     I love a good movie as much as the next chick but I can't help but question why these movies are such big hits, instead of Jesus. Don't get me wrong, Jesus isn't some imaginary hero with a wand or fangs, but He possesses the very thing many of us are searching for. Jesus had and still has the power to change a life. He has the power to demolish strongholds, restore broken hearts, and war against the darkness that is lurking outside our front doors. He walked the earth, healing boils, lesions, raising the dead, restoring relationships and encouraging us all to look beyond ourselves to His father. 

     So why then are we still so interested in putting imaginary characters on a pedestal instead of believing in someone who is real, who has real power? From a mother's perspective, I think because He isn't presented as tangible for our children to see. The work of looking beyond what our view is sometimes just too much work and we are so used to deferring to imaginary characters to escape reality. 

    This world isn't as real as we think. It's a bus stop into our eternal lives where God has a huge kingdom with happenings, beyond our wildest dreams. Living right now was meant for us to prepare for what God has planned for us tomorrow. And the plot thickens as we choose each day to believe in the power of God working through us or not. 
     Do you believe in the power of God? Does it give you chills to know His power works through our weaknesses? I don't know about you, but I'd much rather dream in the reality of my day to day ordinary life, knowing God is doing something big. It's better than escaping into box office hits where a wand is just a wand...

Jeremiah 10:12

It is he who made the earth by his power,

who established the world by his wisdom,

and by his understanding stretched out the heavens.

     

Are You Ready to Pursue Your Passion?

These are a few of my friends who have encouraged me to pursue my passion. And we are the founders of our new website Her View From Home, set to launch in April. I hope to see you there!

     What is your passion? No, I don't just mean your children, your soap box, or your view on faith. Before we had kids, we had all these talents, skills, and abilities. For some of us, we've boxed em up and are sitting on a shelf collecting dust. Still others think that when the kids are grown, they will have the time to pursue their passions. But here's the question, are you satisfied? Or bigger question still, "Is God satisfied with you shelving your passion?"

Motherhood Isn't All Of Me.

     Don't get me wrong, motherhood is awesome. We have their lives in our hands, day in and day out for the next eighteen years. And the early years are spent trying to find a new routine and surviving sleepless nights. For me, I had this ache to write, I didn't understand it, nor was I really focusing on it. Yet, it was there in the back of my mind gnawing at me. Before I became a mother, I was a child that  dreamed of being a lawyer, counselor or professor. Yet, I had this natural ability to write (writing, spell check and grammar or three different things peeps!), I had a voice and people loved listening to it through the pages of my essays, posts, etc. 

     It wasn't until I heard God's voice very clearly one afternoon while wading through diapers and bottles, He was telling me to write. I'm so thankful I listened. Our passions and our talents spur us on, knowing we are part of a bigger picture. It reminds us that we have a purpose for our lives that no one else can fill. Only we can do it with the combination of gifts, passions, and abilities in a way that no one else can. 

     It brings great satisfaction to peck the keyboard to encourage others while my little ones are sleeping. Now days, I have more free time and I've found that if I get to spend time on my passions, I'm actually a better mom. I am fulfilled and praising God!

What Is Your Passion?

    So here's the question again, what do you want to be when you grow up? What is your passion? Are you willing to pursue it and craft it in these early childhood years? 

    Steps to Pursue Your Passion.

1. Ask God to show you what you were created for.

2. Take smalls steps with it while your kids are little, for example take a class, purchase books about it.

3. Surround yourself with friends who will encourage you to the best of your abilities.

4. Don't give it up. There will come a moment when it's time for you to try it.

5. Jeremiah 29:11 states: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~ The key is asking God what He created you for!

     For the last few years, I've spent my time encouraging moms, using my voice, and perfecting my writing skills while enjoying motherhood moments of watching my babies turn into big kids. God is now using this new stage in life to publish my first book and launch a new mid-west blog for women. If God can challenge me, steady my hands as I write, and encourage me, He will do the same for you. Go ahead, be brave and ask Him!~

2 Tips to Create Lasting Impressions of Our Faith for Our Kids

First, we as mothers are to love our God with all our hearts, souls, and strength; secondly, we are to impress them onto our kids. How do we help our children cultivate their own faith instead of hanging off our apron strings? Our motto of doing as I say doesn't exactly work in the area of faith!

Children are clearly not impressed with the attitude and saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” 

And neither am I for that matter, so I've been working hard to break this impression, especially when it comes to loving God. It's in what we say and do! 

Hear O’ Israel: The LORD  our God, the  LORD  is One. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to upon your hearts. Impress them on your children (Deuteronomy 6:4-7).

And Jesus reminds us the same in Mathew 22:37-40:

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the law and prophets hand on these two commandments.

Our Hearts, Our Strength Create Lasting Impressions.

When I speak to other moms about shaping their children, I bring a box with three little balls of play dough; each represents one of my children. Cheyenne is my brightly multi-colored soft play-dough, she is easy to mold and shape because of the sweet deposition she has. Elijah is my modeling clay, he takes more squeezing and shaping, as does my third child, Tori with her victorious spirit and strong will.

The box itself represents my heart and on top of it, I glued “Love God with all your heart.” Because of God’s commandment to impress His word onto my children, I stretch each piece of play dough and modeling clay and press it over the top of the words on top of the box. As I peel off the dough, it shows God’s words imprinted, backwards.

Breaking The Mold When They Grow Up.

Likewise, what I impress onto my children will only go so far. The play dough will only pick up what is present in my heart. If we live out our words in front of them, they will have a true mold that is waiting to be filled with their own faith as they grow up.

So each day, I look at my box and I remember God’s commandment for my kids and each day is a chance to impress on them to love God. We sing songs, we go to church, we pray at meals, we right the wrongs, and we work at molding and shaping each of our kids. Our kids won’t live godly lives because we commanded them to, it has to be impressed upon them and walked out in front of them. 

Your New Year Challenge

     It’s that time of the year again. The time in which, we make our New Year resolutions. For most of us, it’s the same list as last year and the year before that. We just need to tweak a few things on the list, but it’s mostly the same. Is yours anything like mine?

• I will start exercising three times a week.
• I will not yell at my children.
• I will control my temper.
• I will run a marathon this year.
•  I will edify my career.
• I will get invited to all the important events in town.
• Blah, blah, blah.

    This year, after struggling so much with my personal goals, on top of my new year’s resolutions, I threw my list out. I’d much rather have one goal that will encompass and spill over into my resolutions, Are you ready for it? It's rather crazy and yet so simple: Go.To.God.First. Then do everything in wisdom to care for my mind, soul, and body.

    “Oh, my, did she really say that?” Yes, little mama—I sure did. I’m pulling the spiritual card and quite frankly, you need it!  We as women tend to exhaust ourselves with all the balls we try to juggle. As we throw each one into the air, we’ve forgotten why we are juggling it as weariness, disappointment, and failure set in; we beat ourselves up wondering why we can’t keep our resolutions. Have you asked yourself why you have this list? Is it a void in your life that you are trying to fill under the disguise of importance, being needed, social status, feeling unloved, feeling insignificant?

    Being a Nebraska girl (transplanted from Wyoming), I know the roots most of us have were saturated in going to Sunday School and learning how Jesus loves us. It was so simple wasn’t it? We would get into our Sunday best, eat snacks, listen to the Bible stories as they were played out on the felt boards. We knew we were loved, significant, and content. As our childhood paved the way into adulthood, we put Jesus in a box, wondering how He fit into the complicated workplace, college, and life in general.

     Now that we are mothers, we see the faith and wholeness our children have, we can’t help but make our New Year Resolutions, thinking if we can discipline ourselves enough, we will find that satisfaction once again. So this year, do something different—Go. To. God.

     A religious fanatic is not needed, just pray. Acknowledge that you’ve lost your way and ask God to be your New Year’s Resolution. Keep Him in mind throughout your day, whether you’re home or in the work place.  Ask God to ingite the childlike faith you used to have.

    Try to create your prayer something like this:

Dear God, I know that I've replaced You for something more tangible. I’ve been searching for significance and success in my career, promotions, committees, being a good hostess at home, being a good mom and so much more. God you created me to have a relationship with You. This year I pray that You fill my life with Your presence. Satisfy the longings in my heart with You. Show me in my everyday life what it means to love You. Help me to recognize the beauty of Your spirit in my life. Unleash Your love within me.

  

If you haven’t walked with God in a while, here are some things to add to your list:

•    Find one thing about each day that reminds you of God as the Creator.
•   Acknowledge God in your life, everyday.
•   Thank Him for one blessing.
•    Ask Him to ignite your heart with a passion for His word.
•     Read one scripture verse each day, if you like to tackle things, try one chapter a day.

      I promise you’ll find the beauty and the wholeness you’ve been longing for as you pursue a relationship with God. It will spill over into all the goals you have. Tell me what your goals are? What do you think of this rather different New Year’s Resolution? Share your thoughts!

Experiencing Grit, Encountering Grace: A Family Christmas

   

Family United

     “Mom, are you gonna cry again,” Mikey asked in monotone before shuffling off to climb into their black diesel truck. As he climbed up into the back of the cab and closed his door, mom smirked at his words and repeated them to the rest of us within ear shot. We all look at her with a knowing smile and reply,

     “You sure will, let the bawling begin!”

      Another round of hugs were given as our step-dad talked a mile a minute about fishing trips in Yellowstone. All of us Shaw sisters (Minus our Army-solider-Korea-resident-sister, Sarah), were dressed in black and white tanks that mom bought us yesterday on our quick five hour shopping trip.Our husbands were busy comparing which Shaw girl looked better and throwing snow balls at the camper and truck as it left our driveway. It had become the best Christmas we had as a family. No hurt feelings, no yelling, no boundaries were crossed. 

The Dirt

     The dirt and grit that covered our family memories and reputation had given way to grace over the weekend. Everyone had laid their weapons down and bared their hearts for the sake of family and togetherness under the banner of family (minus one hair pulling scuffle between Becky and I; and if my sister posts the video to facebook, I just want to say I didn’t have anything to do with her disappearance).
     Throughout our family history of volatile relationships, we all longed for the deep connections and bonds a family was supposed to have. Because of our broken background and fighting for ourselves, we managed to push each other out of our hearts, thinking that being on our own is best.  After 12 years of seemingly drifting, everyone reunited on the grounds of Christmas time.

Chy, Me, Jenna, Becky.

     It reminded me of how God redeemed mankind with the birth of His Son, in one weekend, God redeemed our family from the brokenness we all felt. Granted, there are still some issues to work out, but what family doesn't have those? Anyway, God softened all our hearts and prepared them for forgiveness.

Grit and Grace

     Grit and grace go hand in hand. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you long to experience the grace that God is waiting to give you. He wants you to lay your past hurts and broken relationships on His alter. Leave them there, let Him pick it up and put the pieces back together—His way—in His time.
    Sometimes before we experience grace, we’ve been smudged with dirt that’s gotten under our shell. Family causes friction for the lack of relationships, disrespect, or the smart words that have been thrown your way. We can either allow the grit to spur us towards God and His way of restoration, or we can allow it to pierce our hearts, leaving a mark that was never intended for any soul to bear. 

     As lonely as holiday gatherings can be, allow God to be on your thoughts this Christmas season, and when your family comes to mind, pray that what is between you, can be broken. Hand it over to God and thank Him for the work He is doing in their hearts, He is moving through the grit, so one day, you can experience grace. 

It's Real Life: Dealing With "Your Child Has...." Issue

     

    No parent ever wants to hear their child is being disruptive or has a learning problem.  So when my son's preschool teacher handed me the number to our local Early Childhood Education services, I was ticked, angry, and embarrassed. 
     After all, I worked my tail off to teach him respect and manners! She proceeded to tell me Elijah's behaviors had gotten progressively worse and it was time to call them so he can be evaluated.

     On the ride home, I asked my son why he was disobedient and wild in class; to which he replied, "I get so bored in circle time and I was mad because the scissors were too tricky." 

He Knew He Had Blown is Chances, So Why Bother?

     So when his teacher began describing his mishaps in class, it came as no surprise me. We were already dealing with learning to sit still, follow directions, and not seeking negative attention at home. That afternoon seemed to be the worst in my career as Elijah's mom. He was sassy and defiant. He knew he has lost his sticker for his behaviors at preschool which meant, he had fallen short of his goal to earn a truck at Hobby Lobby.

     He also lost his chance to attend a friend's birthday party; he had been so looking forward to spending the afternoon with all of his church and preschool friends. I was at a loss and felt so guilty. I questioned, whether or not to allow him to go. In the end, I took him to his friend's house after the party to drop off the gift. Again, I felt guilty that he lost out on the fun, wondering if he really couldn't help his behaviors. 

I Just Want My Child to Be Normal.

     It's one thing to have one child with a disorder or disability. It's another to have two and feel like others have labeled your child as defective. Looking back throughout Elijah's toddler years, I always seemed to be apologizing for his behaviors. And this wasn't the first preschool teacher to direct my attention to these issues.
     I just want my children to be normal and felt guilty yet again, thinking that maybe my kids had somehow acquired defective D.N.A. First was my oldest being diagnosed with Inattentive A.D.D., then Aspergers, and now my son possibly has A.D.H.D (according to the evaluations of early head start).

So Now What?

     No parent ever wants to be told their child isn't normal, nor does any parent want to be told their child is not behaving properly. So now what? Because I want my son to succeed, we will continue with the evaluation process, of course I will be brutality scrutinizing every finding because I know what he is capable of. I want him to be as normal as possible but if he needs help, so be it, just don't label him and make him stick out like a sore thumb for other moms to raise their eyebrows and ostracize from play dates. Help him but don't hinder who he was created to be. Give me answers but don't peg him as not normal or imperfect. 


Give Them Back to God.
     Now is when I hold my ideas, dreams and perceptions loosely of my child, maybe even letting them go altogether; at least until I have real solid answers.  Now is the time to begin turning into myself and listening to God. He created my children exactly the way they are. He has a plan and a purpose for them. He knows what He is doing. The question now is whether I stomp my feet and cry in frustration; or do I embrace it and find the best way to teach my kids how to be who they are created to be? 

    Hand your child back over to God, and embrace Psalm 139, let it sink into the depths of your heart:

¹³ For you created my inmost being; 
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. 
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you 
   when I was made in the secret place, 
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
   before one of them came to be. 
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God! 
   How vast is the sum of them! 
¹⁸ Were I to count them, 
   they would outnumber the grains of sand— 
   when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalms 139:13-18, NIV.

How Are You, Really?

 

     I'm tired and don't want to talk to anyone. Yet my daily routine of shuffling kids and women's ministry forces me to interact. So I smile and say, "I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" 

      The truth is, there are very few women, I'm willing to open myself up to, and so begins the manners of being polite and asking, "How are you?" As they tell me about their burdens, I struggle to be present and not check out and I find myself retreating to the inner depths of my soul, discovering that I am already over capacity. 

     My own cup is already full of burdens; stresses of finances, weary of my so-called 'God's Call to Write', concerned with what our future holds in this very town, worried about behaviors my son is presenting, and pushing myself to be ever present for my oldest child in her turbulent teens, combined with Aspergers; but I choose not to talk about it. Very few friends really want to listen and even then, their circumstances are weigh heavily on their minds. It's not that they aren't good listeners, it's because I know they don't have what I need. Weary laden, I drive home, already mentally checking out. 

      In the quiet of my home, I hear Him speak to me, those three same words, we use out of politeness; so I respond knowing that God isn’t overly burdened and weighed down.

           “How are you?”

          “I’m lonely, God.

          “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Mathew 28:20b (NIV).

          “I’m weary, God.”

          “Your soul will find rest in Me alone. I am your salvation. I am your Rock, your fortress, you will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2. (paraphrased, NIV).

          As I pour out, He pours in. I realize that being quiet in His presence is almost a lost art that needs a revival. When we quiet ourselves before Him, He is able to completely fill us in exchange for what is weighing us down. He uses His presence, and His Word to breath life into us, and we need so very much more than we realize.

      Being a mother and woman of God can sometimes weigh us down so deeply with concerns, crisis, worries, needs of our children, demands from others, and expectations of organizations. Without quieting ourselves before God, we become so full, and yet so very empty.

       Our souls were created for the ebb and flow of pouring ourselves out before Him, as He pours life back into us. He touches our hearts, just enough for each day.

          Just enough that we long to come back to Him for more.

          Just enough to recreate a bond that can overcome any feeling, any burden.

          Just enough to teach us the depth of friendship with Him.

          Just enough to create a vibration in our spirits. We become filled with His truth and peace and we can begin the ripple affect of giving His friendship to others when we truly ask, “How are you?”

Family Ties and Celebration

 

     It's not supposed to be like this.

     We aren't supposed to have strained relationships, tension between family members, tight checkbooks, and complicated seating arrangements. We're supposed to be thankful for each person in our family and for every little thing we have. We're supposed to be looking forward to family coming, but we aren't. We're supposed to be accepted for who we are, not for our social or financial status.

     Sound familiar? December, compared to any other month of the year, is when we often presume that God’s joy and peace will flood our hearts and somehow smoother issues we have.  But when the holiday seasons are filled with darkness, we despair.  I was just wrapping up a meeting today, when the women of my group rattled off prayer requests. All revolved around family, and all were sensitive because of the season of holiday blessings we are in.  I know too well how hurtful words, past mistakes, and misguided expectations can make the holidays seem stressful, and in many ways, unmemorable. We feel cheated and wonder if the house across the street is as perfect as it seems.

     Wanted or not, the family we have is the one God has chosen for us. Each heart serves a purpose; and each heart is bonded to another. But sometimes, it's hard to accept the choices each heart makes; it tends to have a ripple effect on every other family member.

     Instead of grieving over the missing pieces to the puzzle of our family life, I thank God for what it is. I thank Him and run to Him because of the way He loves us. He didn't promise picture perfect families or picture perfect memories for that matter. He did promise that we would have trouble; after all, it's a fallen world and this place in time is only temporary until we're able to move on to what He has in store for us on the other side of eternity. In the meantime, I offer you the same words He has spoken to my heart, helping me see the moments for what they are—a moment in time to reflect His love for our family, no matter the situation.

The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV).

Wait, one more link to bring some comfort and perspective for you this holiday season, this song by Tenth Avenue North has brought clarity, comfort, and strength. I pray it speaks to you heart and lifts your spirit! It's titled, Times. 

To Trust or To Be Swallowed by a Fish

      I think I'm having a Jonah moment, more like a Jonah interruption as titled by Priscilla Shirer. It's been a month since I had my miscarriage. While I've been struggling with the emotions, the loss, and the hormones, I felt like I've been stripped bare before God. I'm left with nothing to ask, nothing to say, but instead looking expectantly at Him. 
    In the book Life Interrupted, Priscilla reveals to us what God is doing in Jonah's life. He was asked to go to a city whom may have slaughtered and tortured his relatives and tell them to turn back to God. Instead, Jonah runs from God, boards a ship which nearly breaks apart by storm and then gets thrown overboard for a time-out in the belly of a fish for three days. Jonah sees the folly of his ways and reluctantly obey's what God asked of him. 
    What does this fish story have to do with a modern gal and a miscarriage? Jonah had a pretty posh life being a prophet for his people, in his city. Then God asked him to go to a barbaric city, and in no uncertain terms, but trust God in what He was asking Jonah to do...
     My life was interrupted by an unexpected pregnancy and loss. Everything was peachy because I was finally pregnant...and then my life changed in one fell swoop as I learned the baby died within my womb. I could have blamed God and turned my back. Instead, I gathered the pieces and took them to Him, asking God to make sense of it all. Just as Jonah was interrupted to do something great for God; He allowed this interruption so I could have the choice to let God work on a few areas of my heart. 
     My life interruption is about trust.
     Will I trust God with this miscarriage? Will I trust what He is doing? Will I trust Him with having another child, or will I let fear rule my heart? 
      God wants you to look to Him when your life has been interrupted.
      Look to Him when you didn't get that promotion.
      Look for Him during this time of financial issues.
      Turn to Him in the midst of your marriage issues.
     Find Him when your child has been diagnosed with diabetes, aspergers, or something you never expected.
      Ask Him to walk with you as you learn to trust Him in this storm. 

5 Simple Steps to Defuse The Angry Mom Syndrome

    

   I posted on Wednesday an issue that I've been really struggling with, anger. It comes in all shapes and sizes in my home. Yelling, testy remarks, impatience, careless words, agitation, and more. Yes, I am the mom that yells, raises her voice, tells her kids to hurry up, and says unkind things to her husband. Not all the time, however there are days when silly little things just rattle me and get under my skin. I don't want to be this woman anymore and it's time to move forward with God walking along side me to change it.
   I couldn't believe I wasn't the only one willing to admit that I have this problem and would like to hug those of you who came forward via emails, comments, and facebook to tell me you have some of the same tendencies. So now that we know we would much rather focus on being a Proverbs 14 woman, let's list a few ways we can combat our anger. Print this out and stick it on the fridge if you need to! I did.

5 Simple Steps to De-Fuse Your Inner Angry Mommy

1. Start Each Day with God. Create in me a clean heart O God, renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10, NLT.

    I know it sounds simple, but it is SO not. It's about surrendering your agenda, your to-do list, your home, your body, and your thoughts to God. I begin each day groggy eyed as I head downstairs with to meet my maker. I've actually had visions of Him standing at the bottom of the stairs with my coffee, waiting for me to ascend to chat with Him about the day I'm going to have. Try not to be rigid as I give you my example. My prayer time is set up in a journal as follows.

• Thankfuls
• Confessions (usually includes outbursts of anger from the day before, or the nasty thoughts about women Ive come into contact that look cuter and more put together than myself.)
• Intercede: Pray for specifics of each family member and friends, pastors, etc.
• Worldly issues that bug me.
• Personal prayers that I utter to no one!
• Wait on God to answer or soak in His presence.

When I've finished my prayer time, I read the bible. We, as women, are more intimately connected with our spirits, so if we starve our spirits, other people will notice and not in a good way. Does irritability, agitation, and not being calm ring a bell? Remember Gog's word is living and active!


2. Move. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
    Face it ladies, we were made to make babies, we pack on the pounds as if the next great famine is coming. Because of how we were created, we need to exercise. There I said it, e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e. Exercises releases natural endorphins, and helps our body get rid of impurities, plus studies do show that it does increase our mood. For me, it gives me focus, clarity, and calmness after I've done my dreaded  run on the treadmill or Jillian Michael's DVDs (I currently have a love hate relationship with that woman. Love how she gets my body in shape, hate the workout).


3. Let it Go. (Review all of Psalm 130).
      Our sins were nailed to the cross a couple thousand years ago. Every thought, angry word and action has been removed from us. So why then do we hold onto the biting words from our husbands, or stay irritated at our kids? Create a loving environment. When your child messes up, help him right the wrong, forgive and immediately let it go.
     This teaches your children to not hold grudges as well as forgiveness. Many of us Mama's have anger because of some past hurt. LET  IT GO. It doesn't mean God won't hold that person responsible, it means that the hurt no longer has power over you. Much of our anxiety, pent up frustration has to do with what is still lurking in the corners of your heart. Take it to God.


4. Is It Worth It? Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9 -
   My kids are growing up. That means more fights, more attention and more arguments. There is chaos, screams, loud noises, messy rooms, crumbs in places I didn't think I would ever find them, immaturity, and so much more going on in my home, twenty four hours a day and here is my confession...it irritates the living daylights out of me. My friends call some of my erratic cleaning issues as visual chaos syndrome, I hate messes and then God blessed me with three kids.
    My point is this, is it worth getting angry over? Is it worth stomping my feet and shooting dirty glances at my five year old who spilled juice everywhere because he was gurgling it and balancing the cup with his fingers?

• Is it worth getting angry or frustrated when my three year old wants to wear princess shoes while we run her brother to preschool in the snow?
• Is it worth getting frustrated that my husband decides to stay up late watching movies and wakes me even though I have to be up by 5 a.m. (Yes, Jesus is downstairs waiting for me that early in the morning and no--I don't set an alarm clock for it either).
• Is it worth getting frustrated when I have to battle my oldest into wearing jeans for church (she has aspergers and hates the feel of jeans, eventually I will buy her clothes she likes).

Sit back, take a deep breath in the moment and consciously decide if getting angry is worth it. Will the outcome matter? Is the anger going to build up the situation or tear your family down in it?


5. Recognize the Cycles.  "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1. 


     Face it ladies, we have cycles and not just the one we all dread every month. Open your eyes to the way your children act throughout the week, what causes it, how do they react and how to you react? Then take steps to change or minimize the issues that cause you stress.
     I've recently become aware of days when my body is worn out during a certain time of the month. When my body feels this way, my attitude and perspective are depressive. I tend to lash out at anything that breathes. Keep in mind, whatever the issue, it too will pass; like teething, potty training, tight financial crunch, broken down car, etc. It will pass. We want to have this perspective so we can use wise words around our families.
     Eliminate the stress of your schedule. I used to keep a very rigid schedule for cleaning. I've learned that laundry isn't as important as playing on the floor with my kids. Who cares about the counter tops, save it for company! 


     Hopefully these simple tips will help you regain the ground you've lost to anger and frustration. The work of raising strong, healthy, Godly children is so much more important than the issues that cause us anger. Recognize what triggers your frustration and ask God to walk with you to defuse it. Ask Him to open the eyes of your heart in order that you may build up your family with your words and actions. Don't forget to leave a comment or two. Our transparency helps others feel that they are not alone in working on this issue. It gives us all the confidence to move forward!

Shaping the Heart

Raising strong-willed children is like having an army of toddlers in your home. These iron-willed babes will test every boundary and challenge any directive given. While I've been in the trenches of motherhood as a stay at home mom for several years, my goal has been to shape their behavior, lest they become criminals behind bars.
     I'm hoping y'all can relate to the limit testing sessions my youngest has been devising as she is reaching the terrible three's (Two’s were a breeze mamas; it's the three’s we need to prepare for!) She has decided that pottying everywhere other than the bathroom is way more fun, and no matter the direction I give her, she flat out refuses unless it's her idea. The final straw was the stunt she pulled on Wednesday night for Rainbows class. She threw a fit because she didn't want to sit at the table and color. So I warned her, "Tori, if you continue throwing your fit, I will take you home right now and you can go to bed, this is your last chance."
     Tori replied with authority, "YES, take me home, I want to go to bed!” What parent can win when the child has figured out the logic of the game? Frustrated, I left her there screaming, while other parents gave me the, 'Oh-you're-that-kind-of-parent' look.
     This past Sunday my pastor opened my eyes to what I had forgotten about parenting. Because these past few months had been so trying, I had forgotten how to parent. I was focused on remedying the behavior, and not shaping their hearts. If I wanted my children to trust and obey me, I needed to be molding their hearts like God was molding mine. God doesn't focus on our behaviors; He focuses on molding our hearts.
     In the midst of motherhood, appealing to our child's hearts causes them to want to do the right thing and shapes their hearts for the future. Just as God we place ourselves in God's hands; He molds, grips, and shapes our hearts through every day trials. In the process, He appeals to our love for Him, and we want to do the absolute best we can (plus we aren't big fans of learning a lesson over and over). If I want my children to grow up with compassion for others and passion for our God, then I need to mother their hearts, not just the behavior!