Keeping The Marriage Bed Red Hot In Motherhood

     So allow me to really transparent, but before I go ANY further, I'd like to say to my parents and in-laws..."DON'T READ ANY FURTHER, trust me!" 

I feel like this at least twice a week!

     Moms these days are so frazzled and worn out, by the time their dear hubby's come home and hint about heating up the bedroom, the she merely rolls her eyes and directs him to his man cave. Yet, some of us are longing for that passion and romance.  With that said, I've gotten quite a few emails about how Chris and I seem to have it all together. We still act like honeymooners even though we have kids.

This is what real romance is, a commitment to love one another in the midst of toys, stretchmarks, and kids.

     In today's world, our minds ingrained with what we think is romance. What is portrayed on TV, movies, sitcoms and romance novels has NOTHING to do with real romance. That's right mama's. Throw the ideas of your husband looking like Fabio and riding off into the sunset with you carried in his thick brawny arms. It doesn't happen even in the lives of couples who don't have children. In this stage of life, a.k.a. mothering, our worlds revolve our children but we are longing for the romance. So here's a few tips from a mother of three (high strung, high energy, hot tempered kids) and how I keep the romance alive on my marriage.

Turn That Crock Pot On--Early

     My husband and I attended a marriage conference several years ago and I loved how women were described as crock pots. Try not to be insulted but it's the truth. Men are like bottle rockets and can go from 0-60 in a matter of seconds for a steamy night in the bedroom. Women on the other hand are like crock pots, it takes hours for us to simmer up to a romantic night in the bedroom. 
     Crock pots have all the ingredients inside, a dash of this, a bit of spice from that. All we do is put the lid on, crank the on bottom and we know by the end of the day, we have a wonderful meal in store. Marriage and sex is pretty much the same. As we simmer, we think of how wonderful our mate is.

     Being a crock pot means your husband needs to start early in the morning or even the night before turning you on to the idea of bedroom bliss. This is something you can do for yourself too. If you know that tonight is going to be the night, think of all the romantic things your husband has done over the years, text him and tell him you cant wait to see him that night. 
    

C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-E

     That's right girls, we have to talk about it. Some of us don't have the drive, desire or willingness to turn from Mother Teresa to Hot Mama in the bedroom and that's okay. TALK to your husband about it. You may be drained from rearing your little ones all day. But it shouldn't stop you from being with your husband. 

     Talk to him about what makes your heart flutter and remind him to act on it. When I was visiting my friend Angela, her husband had left her post-it notes for her to find and read. My husband sends me text messages that reminding me of how much he loves me. Maybe, you like holding hands, having him make supper, bring flowers. What ever it is, tell your husband! For women, its the little things that get us simmering and in the mood.

     Sex isn't just an act, it's a relationship and one that our husbands need. I've known some women who had absolutely no desire for intimacy, so much so, they've given their husbands excuses like: 'sex isn't allowed during pregnancy, It's too close for that time of the month, I've got a headache and cramps.'

Listen up ladies, men need it! They need that physical intimacy with us, it's their connection to knowing that you accept them and you love them. When we give them our time and attention, they in turn feel confident in their relationship with us.

Picture of proof to remind myself that date night will come around again. 

Honey Mooning at Home

    Many of us are living on one income. That means every penny counts, but doesn't have to stop date night. We use several options and try to get alone every week, that's right, every week. Here's my list:

• Make Mac N Cheese for your little ones and put them to bed early.
• Create a meal for the two of you, complete with candle light.
• Ask your in-laws to watch your kids and go back home for date night.
• Log on to Ruby Tuesday's for their Buy One Get One Free meal deals.
• Child Swap with another couple. You watch their kids one night and then they watch yours.

     Once a month, my husband cooks an amazing gourmet dinner, puts the kids to bed early, draws me a bath and creates an romantic oasis in our bedroom (sounds exotic, he makes sure its clean and free of kid debris, and puts a scarf over the lamp to create softer lighting). 

He gets annoyed that I have to document every date night with a picture. Can you tell? :-)

 Your Mind Counts

     As women, we have a million things running through our minds at once. "Is the laundry dried, I need to run to target before my coupon expires, Elijah's room is a mess, I have to get three chapters edited, plan for a MOPS event, and prep for parent teacher conferences this week."

So when my husband gives me the look, I want to be prepared. Daily and especially on date night, I pray. I ask God to give me the desire to want to be with my husband, especially when my mind is full of to-do's and mommy matters. I'd much rather want to be with my husband than have the mind set, "Get in and get out already!" that so many women do. 

     Tell me, how do you keep the marriage bed hot? I'd love to hear your thoughts and even more questions of how to get creative, especially when you have kids!

Mom's Journey Takes a New Turn & She's Got Some New Tools

Mom Journey Takes A New Turn.

     So I've been on this "Mom" Journey for the last 12 and a half years (give or take a few days). I pride myself on being a good mother. I stay home, I work on my projects when the kids are sleeping, and try to provide healthy meals disguised as yummy fun foods. This doesn't include tackling Mount Everest everyday in the laundry room, the bills I pay, or the yucky chores reserved for me. But lately I don't feel like I'm being a good mom. A few months ago, God shook me awake by pointing out a few flaws. One flaw in particular is a glaring blind spot about commanding my kids to obey, just because I'm mom.

Do As I Say.

      When you were little, do you remember those words coming out of your mama's mouth. Tell me, did you obey because you wanted to or because you were in fear of your life? I mostly listened to my mama because I knew she could snuff me out in an instant. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I actually liked my mom. I don't want to raise my kids that way. I don't want to strong arm them into doing what I've asked. 

     In a past post about Shaping the Heart, my daughter's antics revealed that my purpose is to shape her heart, not her actions. If I don't begin shaping my children's hearts, then what is going to stop them from making monumentally poor choices in their teen and early adult years. And believe me, I know about poor choices and having no respect for authority. Yikes!

 While The Cat's Away, The Mice Will Play.

     Seriously, I had this dream about my children being mice and me being a cat recently...very strange. I dreamed that the mice obeyed every command and observed all the rules; until the cat (me) left the house. When the cat left, the mice broke every rule possible. After all, there wasn't anyone there to stop them from misbehaving and why would they want to obey a tyrant anyway?

     Hmm, and then I wonder why I have issues with authority, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
     Because my children are growing up, I'm looking towards their futures and I'm worried that I am not preparing them to make good choices or have integrity and resolve to be a godly person. Instead, I'm afraid that all I've taught them to do up to this stage in life is obeying to keep mama happy. Seriously, how is that going to work out for them when they're eighteen or twenty-four? 

Love Them On Purpose.

     So while on my mommy journey, I've hit a wall and have been asking for guidance to raise kids that not only obey but they do it because they want to. And even if they don't want to, they choose to because I've asked them.

Loving Your Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk has completely pulled the rug out from under me. Its a fresh look at parenting through God's eyes. Here on earth, we don't have a dictator telling us what we can and can't do every hour of the day; nor has anyone spanked my rear, or yelled at me, or counted to three because I wasn't listening. 

     It has opened my eyes to giving my kids more freedom in their choices, to build a heart to heart connection and tools to guide the everyday parenting challenges. 

     For the last three weeks, mothering has been FUN, yes I said it, FUN, as in a day at the park and it includes the tantrums and melt downs. In these moments, I always felt like I needed to rescue the kids from the situation or feeling like I needed to strong arm my kid into obeying. 

Case in point, the other night my son would not go to bed. Instead of threatening to close his door, take his toys or using encouraging good behaviors to earn Wii time the next morning, we gave threw him for a loop.

      "You're not tired?"

      "No!"

     "Hmmm what are you going to do about it?"

     "Stay up."

    "Okay but since you aren't tired, you can either empty the dishwasher or mops the floors. When you're tired you can go to bed," we (my husband and I) replied as we turned out the lights in the rest of the house, led him to the kitchen and opened the dishwasher for him. Elijah stood there shocked, he was excited he didn't have to be in bed, but wasn't exactly thrilled with the choices. We went to our room and closed the door, anxiously listening for sounds to dishes clanking. We waited ten minutes before checking on the kiddo. The dishwasher was closed and the lights were off. Elijah was in his bed, quiet as a mouse and we haven't had a bed time issue since. 

     There is a time and place for setting firm limits and asking them to obey when needed, in the meantime, my new journey is about presenting choices, giving options, putting the burden of a mistake back into their laps as a life lesson, and empowering them to make good choices. I'm excited to be a parent, to shape their hearts for the future instead of shaping their behavior for the moment. 

Does this timeout look like we are accomplishing the goal of thinking about what they  did?
Nope, didn't think so, but I thought I would ask.

    So now that I've gone on and on about my new mommy tools, what are tools you use to encourage good choices and good behaviors from your kids? What is the most frustrating aspect of parenting your wee ones? Leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it!

Are You Intentional?

      These last few days have had me deep in the trenches of mothering. My youngest came down with the stomach bug, which meant, schedules, outings, dates, and carpooling were thrown out the window. While I was wading in puke and “Mommy I don’t feel good,” cries; I actually welcomed it.  Recently my plate has been more than full of my goals, projects, lists, editing manuscripts, and prepping a new website. Added to this was the pressure to ensure I was on top of my responsibilities for our local MOPS group, and my new position has Community Coach for MOPS International. Let’s not forget the extra concern for my oldest and her school work while I was balancing appointments for an evaluation for my son. My plate wasn’t just full, it looked like a small version of Mount Everest.

        Gone were the list of to-dos, and in came a chance to be at rest with my daughter. As I cleaned the bedding and monitored her spew progress, it also gave me a chance to be intentional about loving her and reminded me of why I became a mommy in the first place. 
     How is it that we have a deep desire to become a mom and once the chance presents itself, we get sidetracked with our other passions and goals? Motherhood isn’t just about giving birth and keeping our little ones entertained, it’s about making them smile while we watch Diego for the hundredth time, playing war zone with my son’s action figures, and watching my oldest create her pastel masterpieces.

         Watching our children grow up can be lost in the throngs of our careers, passions, and dreams. But in the end, I don’t want to be remembered by my kids as always being on the phone or sitting behind my computer screen; I want to be remembered for the forts I helped build, taking them to the Children’s Museum, baking cookies with them and giving them my full attention when they needed me. So when Tori became ill, it was a chance to regain the ground I lost to focus on her. I turned off my computer and phone, tucked my to-do list away and focused on being fully present with my sick babe. We spent these last three days, watching movies in my bed, playing house with her Toy Story Squinkies, and making snakes with her play dough.

        Are you intentional about spending time with your kids? Do you welcome interruptions like sick days or do you find yourself saying, “Just a minute, let Mommy get this done!” I invite you to free fall back into the joy of mothering. Your to-do list can wait while you bake cookies or build a fort, and watch Diego again for the millionth time!

Exciting News and Happenings!

Okay, so I've REALLY missed my blog, and these last two weeks have been more than just eventful! So grab your coffee and scroll on down, I'll show you what you've missed!

My brother, Doyle and I, with my potato gun.

Yes, that tube you see in the picture isn't just PVC pipe, it's a potato gun! You can take the girl out of the country...and that's about it. My brother came up from Wyoming as a surprise visit. We spent Christmas afternoon out on the Platte River, shooting potatoes, rocks, arrows, and anything else that could be stuffed to fit into his tube. It was a real blast--no pun intended!

Two of my three brother's stuffing the potato gun.

If you look closely at the picture, you see a can of hair spray, this helps ignite the gun! Does anyone want to guess how this turns out? 

Me, I just finished shooting my daughter's new bow--with no makeup, I'm a bit vain!

Cheyenne, getting ready to release her arrow. 

When I wasn't out blowing things up with my brothers, we took some time off to target practice with our daughter. She got a new bow for Christmas, so far we have four of the twenty arrows left...We both need a little practice, well...maybe I do. However, I must say I worry about Cheyenne's future husband, she has my temper and a VERY. GOOD. AIM!

My brother Dave.

When we thought all was quiet, the boys came over and had a shoot out in my home. Four toy guns and four rowdy boys....Needless to say, the evening wasn't quite peaceful to enjoy my new Nook I got for Christmas!

Okay, okay, enough of the pictures and family stuff. I've got some REALLY exciting news. Saved by Love is now being posted at FaithVillage. Stop by to read the latest in the realms of faith mixed with motherhood. Leave a comment and let them know you want me to come back!

Next on the exciting list is that I am the new columnist for Eternal Encouragement Magazine online! What am I writing about, encouragement for moms! I can't wait for you to see my first article! It's a goody, my next one is about transformers, instructions, and motherhood--you get the point!

More blessings to be sure, I have been asked to be a guest on Good Morning Nebraska, with Marylyn Barnett, I'll be on the show bright and early to give you  some great tips on snacks and lunch ideas for your kids. You don't want to miss this one. January 10!!!!

And at last, some really big news, in March, I will be launching Her View From Home with some friends of mine.  Her View From Home is a Mid-West Blog created by women to encourage, inspire and connect. We will have forums for towns to post events, daily deals, date night ideas, recipes, tips for home & garden; plus articles about faith, parenting, family and more. I can't wait for it to launch and hope you'll stop by! You can visit us on Facebook at our fan page and stay up to date until we officially launch, Her View from Home.

Hurry up March, in the meantime, I can't wait to connect with you and share what God has been laying on my heart to encourage you!

Our new logo! We can't wait to launch the site!

Experiencing Grit, Encountering Grace: A Family Christmas

   

Family United

     “Mom, are you gonna cry again,” Mikey asked in monotone before shuffling off to climb into their black diesel truck. As he climbed up into the back of the cab and closed his door, mom smirked at his words and repeated them to the rest of us within ear shot. We all look at her with a knowing smile and reply,

     “You sure will, let the bawling begin!”

      Another round of hugs were given as our step-dad talked a mile a minute about fishing trips in Yellowstone. All of us Shaw sisters (Minus our Army-solider-Korea-resident-sister, Sarah), were dressed in black and white tanks that mom bought us yesterday on our quick five hour shopping trip.Our husbands were busy comparing which Shaw girl looked better and throwing snow balls at the camper and truck as it left our driveway. It had become the best Christmas we had as a family. No hurt feelings, no yelling, no boundaries were crossed. 

The Dirt

     The dirt and grit that covered our family memories and reputation had given way to grace over the weekend. Everyone had laid their weapons down and bared their hearts for the sake of family and togetherness under the banner of family (minus one hair pulling scuffle between Becky and I; and if my sister posts the video to facebook, I just want to say I didn’t have anything to do with her disappearance).
     Throughout our family history of volatile relationships, we all longed for the deep connections and bonds a family was supposed to have. Because of our broken background and fighting for ourselves, we managed to push each other out of our hearts, thinking that being on our own is best.  After 12 years of seemingly drifting, everyone reunited on the grounds of Christmas time.

Chy, Me, Jenna, Becky.

     It reminded me of how God redeemed mankind with the birth of His Son, in one weekend, God redeemed our family from the brokenness we all felt. Granted, there are still some issues to work out, but what family doesn't have those? Anyway, God softened all our hearts and prepared them for forgiveness.

Grit and Grace

     Grit and grace go hand in hand. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you long to experience the grace that God is waiting to give you. He wants you to lay your past hurts and broken relationships on His alter. Leave them there, let Him pick it up and put the pieces back together—His way—in His time.
    Sometimes before we experience grace, we’ve been smudged with dirt that’s gotten under our shell. Family causes friction for the lack of relationships, disrespect, or the smart words that have been thrown your way. We can either allow the grit to spur us towards God and His way of restoration, or we can allow it to pierce our hearts, leaving a mark that was never intended for any soul to bear. 

     As lonely as holiday gatherings can be, allow God to be on your thoughts this Christmas season, and when your family comes to mind, pray that what is between you, can be broken. Hand it over to God and thank Him for the work He is doing in their hearts, He is moving through the grit, so one day, you can experience grace. 

Never Grow Up!

     The house is quiet with the cold evening air wafting in and I can still hear my kids settling into their beds for the night. Only minutes before, I was practicing my, I. will. Not. Yell. skills from Tori’s wild fun of running into our hollow door closets, while Elijah chased her; and of course, Cheyenne was trying to ‘mother’ them with bossy shouts of, “Knock it off!”

   I know that they haven’t fallen asleep yet and my nerves are tense with what they may pull out of their sleeves to fight dreamland. As I sit here waiting, I know there are little angels wiggling around somewhere in those bodies. 

     As much as nights like tonight frustrate me, I know they’re growing up. Even their footsteps tip-toeing down the hall sounds different compared to just a few months before.  They grow so fast and yet time stands still with tantrums, trials, and parent-teacher meetings.  Nothing will be as simple as it now when all they need is for me to hug their problems away, be their play mate, create memories with cardboard boxes and outings to the pumpkin patch.

   Maybe I’m a little reminiscent because I’ve learned how quickly regrets can void a life, or maybe it’s because my littlest is now three. Or maybe it’s because their snow pants from nine months ago are three inches too short. Those three inches mean they are growing up; I’m not their whole world anymore.  

    Oh my darling little babies take your time growing up. Enjoy the stillness of the night when I rub your backs to sleep after we say our bedtime prayers. Make each moment count, enjoy being the age that you are, find God’s dreams for you and have fun developing the talents you have.  Don’t worry your pretty little minds about what you’ll do someday or what your friends are saying; enjoy today, I know I am!

   Maybe tomorrow, I'll be wishing time would move a bit faster with some of their tantrums and "Mommy Mommy Mommy moments", in the mean time, I'll post "Never Grow Up"  from Taylor Swift to remind me of what I'll be missing in a few short years of what God has blessed me with now. 

How A Little Can Change A Lot

I have a guest blogger today from Inspire a Fire. I pray this moves you to action, either share on your blog or find a way to commit to helping. Today I am dedicating my blog to spread the word, to make us see there is a world outside our doorstep that is need of us to move to action. --Heather Riggleman--

“We have much to be judged on when he comes, slums and battlefields and insane asylums, but these are the symptoms of our illness and the result of our failures in love.” -- Madeleine L'Engle

When my brother traveled to the Sudan he had an encounter that changed his life—and as it ends up, mine too.

He stood in Darfur at an orphanage filled with children leftover from the genocide. There were over 800 children, and during the night wild dogs were dragging them off and killing them.

My brother already felt shell-shocked from the travesties he'd witnessed in Uganda.

The day was hot. The sun beat down upon him. His camera had nearly been ruined from all the dust. He'd barely slept. His gear was heavy. Yet his conscience was seared by the numbness he felt, so he turned and confessed to a Sudanese pastor.

"We shall pray right now that your heart will be opened," he was told.

Not long after that prayer three young children approached Joshua and started to follow him. After a bit, his father nature kicked in and he stopped and sang Father Abraham. It didn't take long before the four of them were dancing and going through the motions.

When they finished, he asked the children to tell him how they came to be there.

The oldest, a girl, answered. "The soldiers came and shot my mother and father, so I came here."

The two other children nodded in agreement. "Me, too."

He was grief struck, but it was what transpired next that tore my heart. "Do you have a Mommy?" The little girl asked my brother.

"Yes," he answered.

"And a Daddy?"

Again, his answer was yes.

"Oh," she said, her voice hinting at a strange intermingling of numbness and grief.

Her question stirs me still. For I believe it came from her soul and revealed the thoughts of her heart. She didn't want to know what his country was like, what kind of food he ate, or what he did for a living. She had her own bullet holes leftover from the genocide. Her world consisted of this single question: Who still had parents and who didn't?

In her questions I heard her worry and fear. Imagine being trapped in a war-torn country, a land of famine, drought and disease. Imagine trying to survive it as an orphan with death threatening you every hour. No matter how much she's endured, at the end of the day, she's still just a little girl. And all she really wants is her Mom and Dad.

I imagined my daughter living as an orphan in the Sudan. If I were shot and dying, it would be my hope that my brothers and sisters would care for her. But what if her aunts and uncles were killed too? What was it then, that her parents hoped?

As members of the body of Christ these children are not alone. They have aunts and uncles. Multitudes and multitudes and multitudes of them. Talk about staggering! These kids are our nieces and nephews! Mine. Yours.

So who, I wondered, within the church has the responsibility to step in?

I didn't like the answer that came. Earlier that week I was shocked to learn that globally I was one of the richest people in the world—even though as an American, I'm pretty poor.

Like it or not I was the rich aunt. I had knowledge of the situation. That made me accountable.

I wasn't comfortable with the knowledge then, and I'm not comfortable with the knowledge now. But I am determined to do something. Anything.

That day Joshua had in his possession a picture book that someone had asked him to give to someone in the Sudan. It was a children's book with a story about how we have a Heavenly Father who always loves and cares for us. Joshua read the book and gave it to them.

An American woman took it upon herself to raise the money to build shelter. Every person who donated, even a dollar, helped to create a place where the little girl now sleeps safe from wild dogs.

When Joshua told me he's going to start a branch of Watermelon Ministries called Media Change, a non-profit encouraging Americans to give up a portion of the money spent on entertainment to serve those fighting world hunger and thirst, I wanted to support it.

For seven years he's helped non-profits raise money that serves the "least of these." He's seen the impact a small investment can have. This is a brand new initiative. He's not quite ready to launch, but you can sign up and be kept updated at www.mediachange.org. His first goal is garner the support of 10,000 people who are willing to give $10 a month. I'm number #3.

This is only a blog post, but who knows what one blog post can do.

What if the task of helping others isn't as overwhelming as we make it?

Christmas Expectations and Mama's Freak Out Sessions!

    Is it just me or does the holidays bring out the worst in people? Yes, of course I'm talking about myself; maybe it's because I have three kids who know what buttons to push that cause mommy to completely bounce of the ceiling in freak out mode. They seem to know Mama is extra sensitive to button pushing with all the cleaning and Christmas decorating when family comes to visit. For example, my son (The label class clown has been mentioned several times by his teachers.) was asked to take the laundry downstairs to the laundry room. He adds the extra step of placing the dirty laundry into the dryer! Then my daughter's idea of assisting in extra chores is to shove clutter under the couch. 

My basement living room and the kids version of clean.

A view from the other side of the room, SIGH!

    Perhaps it has to do with the fact that my family is coming to Kearney for Christmas, our house is tiny, the kids love making messes (there's no love in picking it up though), and I am a visual person. Visual as in, I can't stand clutter, it's visual chaos. Or maybe it's because I'm the oldest and feel the need to keep the pedestal my family has placed me on, the over achiever 'Shaw' who has it all (I really don't but they don't need to know that!).

    Add to this the bathroom mayhem, which I am pretty sure (and thanking God), Tori is passed this stage. She just turned three and has been going number one in the potty and number two in her pants. Then she decided to go in her pants, and pick it up bare handed and throw it in the potty (imagine my dismay). Thankfully, she has progressed to just going in the potty. Still it worries me, I wonder if I will find her hiding somewhere with her number two's when the family comes to visit.

     Back to the family visiting, I haven't seen my five siblings in at least two years, and my mother hasn't seen my home. At least I can breathe a bit easier knowing my youngest sister Sarah will not be joining us in the throngs of celebrating Christmas because she is in Korea. Even though she is the youngest, I know she can kick my tush in hand to hand combat because of her military training; sitting on her won't win the wars anymore! When all three Shaw girls get together, a war is bound to break out. Last time, it was my jeans; to be more accurate my jean size--of the jeans I was wearing! Wanting to be a great example for my children, I am hoping that I won't have to fend off my sisters in any shape or form this season.

The upstairs, I know I shouldn't complain too much about the clutter!

    I think it's time to throw in the towel this season, who cares that my house isn't its cleanest, who cares what jean size I'm wearing, and for goodness sake, who cares about the clutter! When we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves, we forget the meaning of Christmas and miss out on the blessings of the time we have with each other. So, do me a favor and pray that I will not have any freak out sessions and will keep my mind in the present moment and enjoy it all. Oh--pray that Tori is really past the number two stage!

    

4 Must Have Gifts for Christmas

   

    STOP! Put those keys down little mama, I have the perfect gift list for your kids this Christmas.

       The ultimate gifts cannot be packaged or dressed up with bows, yet every child (and husband for that matter) long for these gifts all year round.  In keeping with the  spirit of Christmas, so many families often lost sight of what Christmas is about, falling prey to commercialism and the latest must have’s.  I too, was one of them until I overheard my three and five year talk about what they wanted for Christmas. They didn’t want Angry Birds memorabilia or Hot Wheel Tracks, they wanted time with their Mama, Daddy and extended family. What do your kids really want for Christmas? Below is my children’s list and chances are, your children will love you for them.

T-I-M-E

     All too often we get caught up in the whirlwind of activities during this blessed season. There’s the church play, preschool programs, Christmas cookies to bake, and other holiday obligations. Our schedules get so packed with busyness and then our children seem to have meltdowns every time we head out the door.

    This season, give your children the gift of time. They long for it and crave it. Guard your time away from them and guard their time against too many activities. One of the precious things our Savoir gave us, was His precious time when He walked among us so that could truly know Who God was. In this manner, let’s spend that extra time with our children so we can truly know and love their hearts.

PATIENCE

    Nothing says ‘I love you’ compared to telling your child to “Hurry up,” while they dawdle through their bedtime routine or rushing them to put on their socks and shoes. Instead of becoming impatient with them, build extra time into your day so you don’t feel the need to rush them or become exasperated. Check your emotions and anxiety before you speak or interact with your children. If you feel your pulse rising, step away from the situation and pray before turning your attention back to your kids. Your children will begin to notice the difference and love you for it.

MEMORY BUILDERS

       “Hey Mommy, remember when we got paint all over your face? We should do that again,” my son remarked as we were setting the table for supper and he spied spots of glitter puff paint that dried to our table. Chances are your children don’t ask you to take them on a Disney Cruise vacation or go to Worlds of Fun; instead they talk often of the little things and beg to do them again.Give your children the gift of memory this holiday season. With Christmas vacation just around the corner, it’s the perfect time to give this gift to your children! Build a snow fort, turn your living room chairs into a train ride, complete with celebrity passengers like Larry Boy. One of my children’s favorite memories was turning our living room into an airplane ride, complete with complimentary snacks!  

GIVE

    My children love to give. There are so many ways to give and each year we pick a new project. Finding someone or something to give to creates a united bond among my children. They rally together for the common goal of giving to others who are in need. This creates memories, family time, and teaches them God’s word about giving.

    A few things your children might like include gathering toys and clothes to give to a family in need or the Salvation Army. Shopping for items at the Dollar Store to put in a shoe box for Operation Christmas and picking a child off the Angel Tree Ministries to shop for.

    These four gifts cannot be wrapped or measured in a tangible way. Yet, each will impact your children’s hearts and cultivate a deep love for you while paving the way for our God to impact their hearts. Instead of fighting the holiday crowds, snuggle up next to your children and begin giving them these precious gifts this holiday season. 

How Are You, Really?

 

     I'm tired and don't want to talk to anyone. Yet my daily routine of shuffling kids and women's ministry forces me to interact. So I smile and say, "I'm fine, thank you. How are you?" 

      The truth is, there are very few women, I'm willing to open myself up to, and so begins the manners of being polite and asking, "How are you?" As they tell me about their burdens, I struggle to be present and not check out and I find myself retreating to the inner depths of my soul, discovering that I am already over capacity. 

     My own cup is already full of burdens; stresses of finances, weary of my so-called 'God's Call to Write', concerned with what our future holds in this very town, worried about behaviors my son is presenting, and pushing myself to be ever present for my oldest child in her turbulent teens, combined with Aspergers; but I choose not to talk about it. Very few friends really want to listen and even then, their circumstances are weigh heavily on their minds. It's not that they aren't good listeners, it's because I know they don't have what I need. Weary laden, I drive home, already mentally checking out. 

      In the quiet of my home, I hear Him speak to me, those three same words, we use out of politeness; so I respond knowing that God isn’t overly burdened and weighed down.

           “How are you?”

          “I’m lonely, God.

          “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Mathew 28:20b (NIV).

          “I’m weary, God.”

          “Your soul will find rest in Me alone. I am your salvation. I am your Rock, your fortress, you will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:1-2. (paraphrased, NIV).

          As I pour out, He pours in. I realize that being quiet in His presence is almost a lost art that needs a revival. When we quiet ourselves before Him, He is able to completely fill us in exchange for what is weighing us down. He uses His presence, and His Word to breath life into us, and we need so very much more than we realize.

      Being a mother and woman of God can sometimes weigh us down so deeply with concerns, crisis, worries, needs of our children, demands from others, and expectations of organizations. Without quieting ourselves before God, we become so full, and yet so very empty.

       Our souls were created for the ebb and flow of pouring ourselves out before Him, as He pours life back into us. He touches our hearts, just enough for each day.

          Just enough that we long to come back to Him for more.

          Just enough to recreate a bond that can overcome any feeling, any burden.

          Just enough to teach us the depth of friendship with Him.

          Just enough to create a vibration in our spirits. We become filled with His truth and peace and we can begin the ripple affect of giving His friendship to others when we truly ask, “How are you?”

Family Ties and Celebration

 

     It's not supposed to be like this.

     We aren't supposed to have strained relationships, tension between family members, tight checkbooks, and complicated seating arrangements. We're supposed to be thankful for each person in our family and for every little thing we have. We're supposed to be looking forward to family coming, but we aren't. We're supposed to be accepted for who we are, not for our social or financial status.

     Sound familiar? December, compared to any other month of the year, is when we often presume that God’s joy and peace will flood our hearts and somehow smoother issues we have.  But when the holiday seasons are filled with darkness, we despair.  I was just wrapping up a meeting today, when the women of my group rattled off prayer requests. All revolved around family, and all were sensitive because of the season of holiday blessings we are in.  I know too well how hurtful words, past mistakes, and misguided expectations can make the holidays seem stressful, and in many ways, unmemorable. We feel cheated and wonder if the house across the street is as perfect as it seems.

     Wanted or not, the family we have is the one God has chosen for us. Each heart serves a purpose; and each heart is bonded to another. But sometimes, it's hard to accept the choices each heart makes; it tends to have a ripple effect on every other family member.

     Instead of grieving over the missing pieces to the puzzle of our family life, I thank God for what it is. I thank Him and run to Him because of the way He loves us. He didn't promise picture perfect families or picture perfect memories for that matter. He did promise that we would have trouble; after all, it's a fallen world and this place in time is only temporary until we're able to move on to what He has in store for us on the other side of eternity. In the meantime, I offer you the same words He has spoken to my heart, helping me see the moments for what they are—a moment in time to reflect His love for our family, no matter the situation.

The Lord your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV).

Wait, one more link to bring some comfort and perspective for you this holiday season, this song by Tenth Avenue North has brought clarity, comfort, and strength. I pray it speaks to you heart and lifts your spirit! It's titled, Times. 

Cultivating a Thankful Heart 101

     "Now that you've had a chance to sit here and think about why Mama put you in your room, can you tell me about it?" I asked my son quietly, hoping this wouldn't be a challenge with him.

     “I'm in my room because I wouldn't take the cup from Tori.”

Wanting him to dig a little deeper into this lesson, I prodded for more answers.

     “I'm in my room because I didn't show thankfulness to Tori for bringing me water."

TOUCH DOWN! Whew, for a few minutes there, I was really sure this would be another lesson of frustration for us all.

     “Yes you are, that's the reason; whether or not you wanted the water, Tori brought you water because she loves you and wanted to show kindness to you. Yelling at her and slapping the cup away was rude. It hurt her feelings. God wants us to be thankful and kind to our family."

     Cultivating a thankful heart is another one of those 'caught' lessons that is often times difficult to teach our kids. Nipping selfishness in the bud and creating thankfulness with my son has been the biggest challenge this year. Frustrated with this lesson that didn't seem to be resonating with my son, I realized it’s one of those lessons which must be presented to him on a daily basis--and it begins with me!

     What am I doing to create a thankful heart in my children? As I thought about it, I became more aware of my words and actions one afternoon. I realized that all I did in front of my kids was complain when something wasn't going my way and even it things were, I  showing my grateful heart. So what's a mama to do?

      I set to work on showing my thankful heart to my seemingly ungrateful ankle biters. We began each day with a thankful prayer on the way to school. Throughout the day, I would catch my son doing little things like picking up his blocks, playing with his toys, getting his own drink of water; I would jump on these little moments to tell him how thankful I was of his actions. Sometimes I would tackle him with bear hugs just to tell him I was so thankful he was my son.

      In the evenings at supper, we began our meals with 'thankfuls'; each person would state one thing they were thankful for that day. As the months wore on, I began to see the fruits or our efforts in creating gratefulness in our children. I’m so thankful this Thanksgiving season that my children have grateful hearts. They’re grateful for smallest of things, black socks, bath bubbles, hair ties, our dog, Daddy’s smile and so much more. How is it I’ve managed to have forgotten how to be grateful in these little things too? Sometimes teaching our kids lessons, we end up re-teaching our own hearts. 

How to Be A Patient Mom in Just 24 Hours

We complicate Mothering.

      There, I said it out loud, and I'm waiting for the moms who have it together to haul me away. I've stumbled onto their secrets which I'm going to share with you. Actually, it's not a secret, it's so plain that we've glossed over it. Instead, we buy books, go to seminars, ask advice, and still feel like we come up short in the patience department. I want you try a 24 hour challenge based on how we were created as moms.

Your 24 Hour Challenge

     These six steps below may make you stomp your feet in frustration because you may already know these things, but how often do you actually do them? How often do you actually listen to your body? I challenge you to just try it for 24 hours, what do you have to lose? If anything, it will make you more aware of your needs, as well as your kids.

1. Sleep 7 to 8 Hours

     Yep, I know so very well what happens when I try to mother three spirited kids on less that eight hours of sleep. It's similar to when your overtired, cranky toddler, has a meltdown in the middle of the grocery isle; just multiply it times four and that's me laying on the floor.
     We were created for rest. The night sky's were meant to give us rest, to lull us to sleep with the darkness as our blanket. Our bodies crave it, it gives our minds and bodies a chance to rest and recharge for the next day.

2. Begin Your Day with God, Surrender.
   You have no idea what is in store when your feet hit the floor, only God knows. You don't know whether you're daughter is going to make you late for an appointment because of a monstrous potty accident, nor do you know how you will react to such things. Only God does, so begin each day in His presence.  Surrender your day to Him, surrender your check list, your children, your words. 
    Out of all the tips anyone can give you, this is the most important. I cannot stress it enough. Surrendering the day helps us hear His still small voice, it gives us the opportunity to parent with grace. 
   

3. Drink 6 to 8 Glasses of H-2-0
     Even the tiniest cells in our bodies crave water, they crave it because it's how they function. When we don't drink the full 6 to 8 glasses of water a day, the insides of our body essentially, start throwing a tantrum. We become sluggish and tired. 
    Staying hydrated keeps us alert, most of us grab two to three cups of coffee, tea, or soda; thinking that caffeine is needed to kick that sluggish feeling. I'm all for caffeinated beverages, but keep in mind those beverages dehydrate your body. So reach for a bottled water or two after your beloved caffeinated beverage!

4. Undivided Attention Please
     Have you suddenly become aware of a HUGE disastrous mess, simply because your back was turned on your kids? Most of the mayhem my children have caused have been because my attention was divided. Either between making much needed phone calls and playing with the kids, or making supper while trying to listen to their requests. 
     Be fully present, make a commitment to say, "Right now, I am just a mom." Their primary love language is attention, and boy do they know if you really aren't paying attention. What happens when you try to make an important phone call? Our kiddos are magnets for mama's attention!

5. Be Early
    Most meltdowns happen when I am trying to get out the door. Over time, I've learned to set my clocks forward 10 to 15 minutes. This enables me to be more patient while the kids are getting their socks on, turning off lights, and looking for their beloved toy that must travel with them. 
    By the time they are buckled into their seats, we have actually arrived on time and no one is upset over being rushed, nor is Mama frustrated with getting all those little toes covered in socks and shoes! 

6.Breathe
   No, I'm not talking about yoga exercises of breathing, I'm talking about learning to breathe during the most chaotic moments of your day. Your child is throwing a tantrum, your other one spilled paint on the table, and your oldest wants an instant decision in order to go to a friend's house. Stop for a moment, breathe in your frustration and urge to freak out....then breathe it out! Refer back to my previous post about S.T.O.P. and H.A.L.T. 
    Take a deep breath and walk through these exercises to keep you from completely freaking out in front of your kids. Remember there is a bigger picture that's hard to see in the visual chaos in front of you.


So I challenge you to try these tips for 24 hours, you'll be a more patient mom and your kids will notice too! Try it, see what a difference these tips make and let us know what you discovered along the way.