God, My Standard Issue of Faith Gear is Busted

Sometimes I wonder if God forgot my personal force field when I accepted Him as my Savior. Maybe, it's defective and it needs to go in for a repair or two, or maybe I need to be issued a better instruction manual. You know the Scripture that talks about our personal force field right? 

¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.Ephesians 6:11-13.

The pressures of motherhood, personal issues that I can't seem to let go, and old wounds have been reopened. The problem is that I still believe life would be better, if not safer in the arms of Christ. Here is the reality check, God didn't promise a safe life filled with roses and problems nonexistent. He brought my reality check this morning when I happened to have read a devotional email for mommies:

Beloved, do not be surprised as the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you. 1 Peter 4:12.

Instead, He reminded me to renew my mind daily by talking with Him. Not just going through the motions of reading my Bible and sending up a quick prayer; but to really sit down and tell Him what's on my heart. When we spend time with Him, it's like we buff our armor and ensuring it fits correctly. 

Because we are going to have trials, via tantrum prone kids, venomous encounters with not so friendly people, financial strain; we can rest in knowing that He has provided what we need, when we need it. We can rest knowing that our force field will protect us through trials and will shape our spiritual life, tempering it, and strengthening our resolve. 

Go on, talk to Him about your day, talk to Him about what is on your heart. This will give Him the opportunity to prepare you to walk through the next trial with Him Shielding what needs shielded and helping you battle what needed battled. 

Stinkin' Thinkin': 3 Tips to Take Those Thoughts Captive

Have you heard the term, "Stinkin' thinkin'"? It makes me giggle along with my kids. It rhymes, it's catchy. It reminds me every time I hear it or think it, that I need to take my thoughts captive. Maybe you do too, which is why I wanted to share with you. 

“…and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ…”  2 Corinthians 10:5 

Your Thoughts Are Who You Are

Do you struggle to take control of your thoughts? I know I do. Very recently, after a misunderstanding, old wounds were reopened and all I could do was dwell on the injustice I felt. What I didn't realize was how it colored everything. Because my thoughts were dwelling on this incident, it painted how I thought of my kids, my work, and myself. 

Maybe you struggle with envy, jealousy, rejection, worry, or fear. Or your thoughts are just plain unkind, crabby, unhelpful thoughts like:

"What is she doing on the worship team, have you seen the suggestive clothes she wears?"

"Why does she always seem to have the newest phone or shoes, new curtains, new house, and when I buy stuff, it doesn't look that good. My taste stinks."

"I can't believe they let that woman in here."

"He wants to go to school next year, but I'm worried that he won't be ready."

"I never seem to have it all together, why I can't I be better at this?"

"She is SO unkind, just plain mean to me. I'm so hurt that she said that to me. And my kids have been little monsters today, they are SO not listening to me. AND the house is a complete disaster, AND I didn't have time to clean it. AND that to-do list of repairs is still on the fridge. AND my husband is going to be getting home late again...AND"

Tell me what you thought of the last example? Have you ever noticed that if you're in a stinky mood, it permeates and spills over onto everything that is happening in your life? Did you ever stop to notice how hard it is not have stinky thoughts? They just keep rolling in like tidal waves in a storm. Things keep getting worse and worse with no end in sight.

Thankfully I have a few tips that I've picked up along the way that I can share with you that I've learned from friends and because I've encountered situations like the examples of above.

Febreeze that Stinkin' Thinkin'

I Need a Brainwash

Music affects our moods, it has the ability to lighten our moods and lower our blood pressure. I love listening to my favorite radio stations.

• My Bridge Radio can be played on your computer or via radio. They now offer the lyrics to the songs they broadcast, which is awesome if you're a wordy chick like me.
• K-LOVE is another favorite I use online. 

Some of my current favorite videos via YouTube:

• Lose My Soul:Toby Mac, Kirk Franklin, & Mandisa
• The Lost Get Found: Britt Nicole (This is has been my ring tone for the three years.)
• From The Inside Out: Seventh Day Slumber (I'm a groupie, so proud of these boys!)

Of course you can always use your IPod and create a playlist of songs that are uplifting and remind you of who really is in charge of your life and your mind.

Stick It

Of course, we can't listen to music all of the time, but you do carry a purse don't you? Get some note cards or sticky notes, write out specific verses that empower you, knowing God is in control. 

Some of my favorite power Scriptures that I stand on are:

When I need peace:

• ...And the peace of God...will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7.
• “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you...“  John 14:27

When I need to know God is with me:

• “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…”  Isaiah 43:1-3
• “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.”  Psalm 118:6

Find Scriptures that speak to your heart, stick them in your purse, on your mirror, in your car, on your treadmill.

Let Someone Read to You

If you're a busy mama which I imagine you are, there are other ways to stay in God's word and let His Words strengthen your heart and clear your mind of stinky thoughts. I just discovered YouVersion for editing purposes but found they have apps for your latest gadget. It's a great way to stay in God's word or you can listen to it at night as you're falling asleep.

• You Version for IPhone
• You Version for Android
• Listen from your computer at Bible Gateway

Taking our thoughts captivated can be a tenaciousness process, unless we discipline ourselves to be grounded in God's Word. I've found over time, that my kids are better thinkers and actors when we are listening to worship music. I know your struggles are just as real as mine and it's hard to keep our thoughts pure, but with God all things are possible!

Harry Potter, Bella, Edward, and Jesus

   

     I must admit we were fans of Harry Potter when the movies first began arriving as box office hits. The basic plot of good versus evil, and the magic of believing in ourselves created a warm fuzzy feeling that I could conquer the challenges in my life. In the very least, it was a fun escape from reality.

     In the meantime, the craze of The Twilight Series that surrounded the characters Bella, Edward, and Jacob have raked in millions and created a huge following of teens and adults alike. Bella was a normal, average girl in love with a vampire, while Jacob, a shape shifting wolf was in love with her. Again the plot revolved around love conquering evil and how it can survive if we believe in ourselves.

     I love a good movie as much as the next chick but I can't help but question why these movies are such big hits, instead of Jesus. Don't get me wrong, Jesus isn't some imaginary hero with a wand or fangs, but He possesses the very thing many of us are searching for. Jesus had and still has the power to change a life. He has the power to demolish strongholds, restore broken hearts, and war against the darkness that is lurking outside our front doors. He walked the earth, healing boils, lesions, raising the dead, restoring relationships and encouraging us all to look beyond ourselves to His father. 

     So why then are we still so interested in putting imaginary characters on a pedestal instead of believing in someone who is real, who has real power? From a mother's perspective, I think because He isn't presented as tangible for our children to see. The work of looking beyond what our view is sometimes just too much work and we are so used to deferring to imaginary characters to escape reality. 

    This world isn't as real as we think. It's a bus stop into our eternal lives where God has a huge kingdom with happenings, beyond our wildest dreams. Living right now was meant for us to prepare for what God has planned for us tomorrow. And the plot thickens as we choose each day to believe in the power of God working through us or not. 
     Do you believe in the power of God? Does it give you chills to know His power works through our weaknesses? I don't know about you, but I'd much rather dream in the reality of my day to day ordinary life, knowing God is doing something big. It's better than escaping into box office hits where a wand is just a wand...

Jeremiah 10:12

It is he who made the earth by his power,

who established the world by his wisdom,

and by his understanding stretched out the heavens.

     

Are You Ready to Pursue Your Passion?

These are a few of my friends who have encouraged me to pursue my passion. And we are the founders of our new website Her View From Home, set to launch in April. I hope to see you there!

     What is your passion? No, I don't just mean your children, your soap box, or your view on faith. Before we had kids, we had all these talents, skills, and abilities. For some of us, we've boxed em up and are sitting on a shelf collecting dust. Still others think that when the kids are grown, they will have the time to pursue their passions. But here's the question, are you satisfied? Or bigger question still, "Is God satisfied with you shelving your passion?"

Motherhood Isn't All Of Me.

     Don't get me wrong, motherhood is awesome. We have their lives in our hands, day in and day out for the next eighteen years. And the early years are spent trying to find a new routine and surviving sleepless nights. For me, I had this ache to write, I didn't understand it, nor was I really focusing on it. Yet, it was there in the back of my mind gnawing at me. Before I became a mother, I was a child that  dreamed of being a lawyer, counselor or professor. Yet, I had this natural ability to write (writing, spell check and grammar or three different things peeps!), I had a voice and people loved listening to it through the pages of my essays, posts, etc. 

     It wasn't until I heard God's voice very clearly one afternoon while wading through diapers and bottles, He was telling me to write. I'm so thankful I listened. Our passions and our talents spur us on, knowing we are part of a bigger picture. It reminds us that we have a purpose for our lives that no one else can fill. Only we can do it with the combination of gifts, passions, and abilities in a way that no one else can. 

     It brings great satisfaction to peck the keyboard to encourage others while my little ones are sleeping. Now days, I have more free time and I've found that if I get to spend time on my passions, I'm actually a better mom. I am fulfilled and praising God!

What Is Your Passion?

    So here's the question again, what do you want to be when you grow up? What is your passion? Are you willing to pursue it and craft it in these early childhood years? 

    Steps to Pursue Your Passion.

1. Ask God to show you what you were created for.

2. Take smalls steps with it while your kids are little, for example take a class, purchase books about it.

3. Surround yourself with friends who will encourage you to the best of your abilities.

4. Don't give it up. There will come a moment when it's time for you to try it.

5. Jeremiah 29:11 states: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~ The key is asking God what He created you for!

     For the last few years, I've spent my time encouraging moms, using my voice, and perfecting my writing skills while enjoying motherhood moments of watching my babies turn into big kids. God is now using this new stage in life to publish my first book and launch a new mid-west blog for women. If God can challenge me, steady my hands as I write, and encourage me, He will do the same for you. Go ahead, be brave and ask Him!~

2 Tips to Create Lasting Impressions of Our Faith for Our Kids

First, we as mothers are to love our God with all our hearts, souls, and strength; secondly, we are to impress them onto our kids. How do we help our children cultivate their own faith instead of hanging off our apron strings? Our motto of doing as I say doesn't exactly work in the area of faith!

Children are clearly not impressed with the attitude and saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” 

And neither am I for that matter, so I've been working hard to break this impression, especially when it comes to loving God. It's in what we say and do! 

Hear O’ Israel: The LORD  our God, the  LORD  is One. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to upon your hearts. Impress them on your children (Deuteronomy 6:4-7).

And Jesus reminds us the same in Mathew 22:37-40:

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the law and prophets hand on these two commandments.

Our Hearts, Our Strength Create Lasting Impressions.

When I speak to other moms about shaping their children, I bring a box with three little balls of play dough; each represents one of my children. Cheyenne is my brightly multi-colored soft play-dough, she is easy to mold and shape because of the sweet deposition she has. Elijah is my modeling clay, he takes more squeezing and shaping, as does my third child, Tori with her victorious spirit and strong will.

The box itself represents my heart and on top of it, I glued “Love God with all your heart.” Because of God’s commandment to impress His word onto my children, I stretch each piece of play dough and modeling clay and press it over the top of the words on top of the box. As I peel off the dough, it shows God’s words imprinted, backwards.

Breaking The Mold When They Grow Up.

Likewise, what I impress onto my children will only go so far. The play dough will only pick up what is present in my heart. If we live out our words in front of them, they will have a true mold that is waiting to be filled with their own faith as they grow up.

So each day, I look at my box and I remember God’s commandment for my kids and each day is a chance to impress on them to love God. We sing songs, we go to church, we pray at meals, we right the wrongs, and we work at molding and shaping each of our kids. Our kids won’t live godly lives because we commanded them to, it has to be impressed upon them and walked out in front of them. 

Calling Me Out When I'm Wounded: Responding to My Daughter's Take on Life

     Another crazy afternoon, a day in the life of me. Except this time, we had just picked up my oldest from school and she is still struggling to keep herself together. I juggle her assignments, Elijah's off the wall energy and Tori's victorious antics. We settle in for the evening, supper, showers, stories, and bedtime. After I get the little ones to bed, I hustle Chy into the shower. 

     She takes longer than usual, forty five minutes later, she is out, dripping wet and her eyes hold a brokenness in them. She asks me quietly if I would straighten her mound of golden brown hair.
"Sure," I say as I begin the tedious process of de-tangling and blow-drying her Shirley Temple curls. She's looking at herself in the mirror but something is different, I don't like the way she is looking at herself. She doesn't say it, so I say it for her,

     "You don't think you're good enough, do you?" Her big brown eyes begin to mist, the pressure of being in sixth grade and trying to compute the world the way everyone else does, is just too much. For those of you who have been following this blog, you know that Cheyenne has struggled in school since the beginning.

   In first grade, she floundered because she couldn't see the words like everyone else. She had to learn a completely new way to read by memorizing the look of a word. 

  In second grade, we found out, she was nearly blind on one eye. It required sporting an eye patch all day, everyday. In third, she was the little girl that the girls left out in their games, making themselves superior in her eyes. In fourth, we realized she couldn't focus and required different learning strategies with the diagnosis of Inattentive A.D.D. and recently the missing piece of the puzzle of Cheyenne was Aspergers. 

     Middle school holds all new challenges which Cheyenne has to fight through to make sense of the world. She wants to fit in, to look like everyone else, to be able to laugh at jokes, and be silly like the rest of her peers. But Cheyenne doesn't get jokes, she has curly hair, glasses, and is taller than her teacher. 
     In sixth grade, she is realizing her world is not like everyone else's, she has to fight the way her mind interprets all of its sensory mis-communications (Imagine trying to have a conversation while standing in the middle of a casino with every machine hitting jackpot at once and confetti blowing everywhere). Everything from smells wafting in the air,  to the the way her clothing feels on her body, she has to learn to tune out in order to process what is happening within the bounds of the socialization happening around her. 

     As I straighten her hair, I begin to tell her how perfect she is. 
    "God created you for something special, I don't know what it is yet, Chy, but you have gifts, abilities, and talent for the purpose God planned for you. Everything from your hair, to your heart has been made absolutely perfect. You're stunning, you're powerful because you're a child of God."
   As we stand there in the silence, the song Mean by Taylor Swift plays over the radio and we get silly. Grabbing our hairbrushes, singing along together, "You, with your words like knives, swords and weapons that you use against me. You--You've knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing..." As we dance around our bathroom, somewhere in the middle of it, I get what she's going through, someday and soon I hope, she will be strengthened enough in who she is and not what everyone makes her out to be. 

  After hugging her skinny, five foot seven inch frame, I send her off to bed, feeling like I have no clue what I'm doing in this stage of motherhood but being real with her has somehow helped. 

    How do I encourage her when I don't understand how she sees her world? How can I cheer her on if she cannot believe in herself? All I can do is love her the best I can and continue praying that God reveals to Cheyenne the beauty and a strength that she holds all on her own. 

What Voice Do You Listen To?

      What is that in your hand? I asked my oldest as she trudged her way through the kitchen. Instead of showing me, she fisted her hand and put it behind her back. After reaching around her and prying it out of her hands, I read the crumpled note. Dated September 18, 2009, “Chy I love you so very much, you are amazing and God has given you so much talent.”

     It was a note I had written and stuck in her lunch box over three years ago. Chy began crying softly as I hugged her. She had just been disciplined for disobeying her dad, on top of having a school meeting with her teacher about making more effort in the classroom. The voice that was screaming in her head about how she wasn’t good enough was choking the life out of her. Despite her struggles, we as parents agreed that she needed to be treated just like everyone else, regardless of her disabilities. Yet to our precious daughter, she felt she lacked what she needed to succeed.

     Frustrated, I hugged her and sent her off to a hot shower, replaying our conversations. As her cheerleader, I’ve made every effort to encourage and reinforce she is a beautiful, talented, gifted, compassionate child. Actions speak louder than words and so do the voices in our heads. How many times have you failed at something and told yourself, “That was awesome, let’s do it again!”? I’m going to venture to guess, the conversations you have in your head tend to be more like, “Well that was sure fun, sure ain’t gonna do that again, I don’t need the world knowing that I’m a failure, I can’t get anything right!

     I am afraid to believe in myself. Everything I have ever put my heart into has backfired or failed. I’ve either created a big mess that I couldn’t clean up on my own, or I’ve gotten arrested, slapped with a fine or lost relationships over it. The voice that has set the tone for my life has been, “Don’t bother trying, you’re going to fall right on your butt, and everyone who already knows the truth, will be there to say, I told you so.”

     So when I got the letter stating, “Heather, I’ve had the opportunity to read your  manuscript(older version) and I just love it! I remember meeting you and your passion for the subject of motherhood, as a mother myself and with my background as head editor of Today’s Christian Woman magazine for 7 years, I LOVE THIS TOPIC. I also love your writing style—natural, yet pithy and very insightful and helpful. We definitely want to publish your book.”

I was completely floored. This had been the dream I had been working towards for the last two years of writing my book, Mama Needs A Time-Out.  This moment reinforced that my perspective was wrong and so was my daughter’s.  Some of us have the natural tendency to think we aren't good enough, life comes along with it’s bumps and challenges, further reinforcing the warped view we see of ourselves.

     This warped view is in the back of our minds, painting every conversation, every interaction, every struggle, and our success. It’s time to replace this warped view with how we are created. We. Do. Not. Lack. Anything.  We may be born with a predisposition of struggling with certain weaknesses, but that’s the beauty of knowing God. He works through our weaknesses, that’s when His power, His abilities, and His strength are unleashed in our lives…if we allow Him. My daughter’s principle gave me a great word picture, if you’re given a dull ax, you’re going to have to swing harder.

      No matter your inabilities, insecurities, trip ups, hang ups, mess ups. We have one choice, we can agree with the voices in our head or we can ask God for the strength to swing harder. We can either view ourselves as lacking or we can ask God for the courage and the insight to see ourselves as He sees us.

     There is power in positive thinking, but that positive thinking works better in the form of seeing ourselves with our spiritual eyes. What are your hang ups? What are your inabilities? Are you willing to step beyond yourself and ask God to give you the strength, courage and ability to swing that ax harder or rely on yourself?

Cultivating a Thankful Heart 101

     "Now that you've had a chance to sit here and think about why Mama put you in your room, can you tell me about it?" I asked my son quietly, hoping this wouldn't be a challenge with him.

     “I'm in my room because I wouldn't take the cup from Tori.”

Wanting him to dig a little deeper into this lesson, I prodded for more answers.

     “I'm in my room because I didn't show thankfulness to Tori for bringing me water."

TOUCH DOWN! Whew, for a few minutes there, I was really sure this would be another lesson of frustration for us all.

     “Yes you are, that's the reason; whether or not you wanted the water, Tori brought you water because she loves you and wanted to show kindness to you. Yelling at her and slapping the cup away was rude. It hurt her feelings. God wants us to be thankful and kind to our family."

     Cultivating a thankful heart is another one of those 'caught' lessons that is often times difficult to teach our kids. Nipping selfishness in the bud and creating thankfulness with my son has been the biggest challenge this year. Frustrated with this lesson that didn't seem to be resonating with my son, I realized it’s one of those lessons which must be presented to him on a daily basis--and it begins with me!

     What am I doing to create a thankful heart in my children? As I thought about it, I became more aware of my words and actions one afternoon. I realized that all I did in front of my kids was complain when something wasn't going my way and even it things were, I  showing my grateful heart. So what's a mama to do?

      I set to work on showing my thankful heart to my seemingly ungrateful ankle biters. We began each day with a thankful prayer on the way to school. Throughout the day, I would catch my son doing little things like picking up his blocks, playing with his toys, getting his own drink of water; I would jump on these little moments to tell him how thankful I was of his actions. Sometimes I would tackle him with bear hugs just to tell him I was so thankful he was my son.

      In the evenings at supper, we began our meals with 'thankfuls'; each person would state one thing they were thankful for that day. As the months wore on, I began to see the fruits or our efforts in creating gratefulness in our children. I’m so thankful this Thanksgiving season that my children have grateful hearts. They’re grateful for smallest of things, black socks, bath bubbles, hair ties, our dog, Daddy’s smile and so much more. How is it I’ve managed to have forgotten how to be grateful in these little things too? Sometimes teaching our kids lessons, we end up re-teaching our own hearts. 

Was It Worth It? Letting Go of the Angry Mama Syndrome

     

     There are some moments when I can see myself flying through the air of my IPod in a game of Angry Birds, it would be more fun; at least I would be scoring points right? 
     Are you an angry mama? I am--wait, scratch that, I was an angry mama.         
     Thankfully God's grace and His word is giving me a new sense of perspective. And I have to admit, MomSense has given me some new tools for my anger management tool box. 
     This morning, as I jogged downstairs to scoop up the kids for my Sonrise Bible Study, the smell of my three year old's business stopped me in my tracks. Grumbling, I already knew that I had left her downstairs too long, leaving her to her own demise...and mine for that matter! Because I wasn't reminding her constantly that she was wearing panties, she had done her business in her undies, and the mess was a doozy. I was furious.
     Angry, yes. Sonrise would not have the pleasure of our presence today.
     Before I said anything to my daughter, I took a step back and reminded myself of what God was teaching me through His Word. He reminded me I was created to build my family up, not tear them down with my words. He reminded me, anger was a healthy emotion, but I needed to express it in a healthy manner, which did not include screeching at Tori (but a game of angry birds is not a bad idea!).  He also reminded me of the grace He has granted me over the years. 
     Taking a few deep breaths, I asked myself, "Is it worth getting angry over. What is it about this mess that I am so mad about? How can I build Tori up in this situation?" As I got my daughter cleaned up, I realized I was angry because I was being selfish. I was angry because I would miss Bible study, and frustrated from the trials of potty training. Did I mention irritated because of all the work that seemed to be for nothing of getting the kids out the door?
     Chances are, you have moments like this too. Motherhood isn't always a breeze and more often than not, we get frustrated. It's hard to hold the world on our shoulders, yet when we surrender our daily lives and emotions to God, we find His presence there. It's in His presence, that He uses these situations to teach me patience, perspective, and grace. 

To Trust or To Be Swallowed by a Fish

      I think I'm having a Jonah moment, more like a Jonah interruption as titled by Priscilla Shirer. It's been a month since I had my miscarriage. While I've been struggling with the emotions, the loss, and the hormones, I felt like I've been stripped bare before God. I'm left with nothing to ask, nothing to say, but instead looking expectantly at Him. 
    In the book Life Interrupted, Priscilla reveals to us what God is doing in Jonah's life. He was asked to go to a city whom may have slaughtered and tortured his relatives and tell them to turn back to God. Instead, Jonah runs from God, boards a ship which nearly breaks apart by storm and then gets thrown overboard for a time-out in the belly of a fish for three days. Jonah sees the folly of his ways and reluctantly obey's what God asked of him. 
    What does this fish story have to do with a modern gal and a miscarriage? Jonah had a pretty posh life being a prophet for his people, in his city. Then God asked him to go to a barbaric city, and in no uncertain terms, but trust God in what He was asking Jonah to do...
     My life was interrupted by an unexpected pregnancy and loss. Everything was peachy because I was finally pregnant...and then my life changed in one fell swoop as I learned the baby died within my womb. I could have blamed God and turned my back. Instead, I gathered the pieces and took them to Him, asking God to make sense of it all. Just as Jonah was interrupted to do something great for God; He allowed this interruption so I could have the choice to let God work on a few areas of my heart. 
     My life interruption is about trust.
     Will I trust God with this miscarriage? Will I trust what He is doing? Will I trust Him with having another child, or will I let fear rule my heart? 
      God wants you to look to Him when your life has been interrupted.
      Look to Him when you didn't get that promotion.
      Look for Him during this time of financial issues.
      Turn to Him in the midst of your marriage issues.
     Find Him when your child has been diagnosed with diabetes, aspergers, or something you never expected.
      Ask Him to walk with you as you learn to trust Him in this storm. 

The Secret to a Good Marriage and Being a Good Mom

    

     The amount of grace it takes to sustain a marriage is unfathomable. Well, maybe that just applies to me due to my ability shoot off like a bottle rocket in a matter of seconds. This afternoon, we attempted to take the kids for a walk (more like marathon), when I got fed up with the antics all the kids were pulling at once. In short, I halted all screaming, pouting, bad attitudes, key throwing, temper tantrums kids to park their tushies in the grass and ordered a family meeting. 
    Giving Chris the floor, I waited for him to give the usual 4-1-1 on the current issues. Innocently waiting for him to take over, I glanced at him. He was still standing there--silent. Already the kids were sensing the division between us, and began toying with what little patience I had left. After glaring at him, he tossed out the 'knock it off' speech before releasing them back to our marathon hike. 
    Ah, marriage. It affects our children more than the schools we put them in, the friends they have, or the church we take them to. They learn about the dynamics of it when they are still peanuts in our wombs; by the time they are three, they know when the parental units are divided or united. Our kids are learning relationship habits (and manipulation tactics), as if they were breathing air through every day interactions. 
    As Chris and I squabbled about how he handled his chit chat with the kids, eventually unkind words were thrown out. This also included irritating habits, and other flaming arrows. Later, after I had cooled off, I apologized to my husband in front of my children. Oh why the humility you might ask? Not only are my children learning relational habits, but they also need to learn a thing or two about a united home.
    Growing up, my mother and father didn't have an ideal marriage which ended in divorce. Though their circumstances were very different than mine, I want to teach my children through my actions, my marriage, and my life experiences what Jesus states in Mathew 12:25:

Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.  

    As irritated as I was about the way my husband handled our family meeting and our spat, for my sake and my home, I needed to stuff my pride and apologize. 

    When God said that two become one in marriage He literally meant that we injure our own flesh when we tear down our partner. When I take aim at my husband's dignity, I may as well stab my own heart. This is why fighting hurts us so badly; when we get in the ring with our spouses, we really are beating our souls.

    Let's not forget our kids, I know what careless words and constant fighting does to a marriage and to the children that are unseemingly involved. I'm 30 years old, and still remember the fights of my parents so vividly. The selfishness, the hurt, and living in constant contention. 
     I want my children to learn how to resolve conflict and to build up their spouses, not tear them down. The enemy doesn't need an affair or other major tragedy to tear apart a family, he just needs a few careless words, pride, and selfishness. 

     Want to be a good mom to your kids? Then teach them the art of saying, "Forgive me." Walk out your heart's message to your spouse in front of them. Treat your husband with respect, talk to him about the things he likes to talk about that bore you to tears (I can now design a grain bin in my sleep, and fish better than my hubby!) Refuse to stuff issues until it rattles the home like the next 7.2 earthquake on the rictor scale. Tell your kids what a hero their daddy is and for goodness sake, have sex with him; this alone will solve most problems. Be his fan. The best gift you can give to your children is a good marriage. (Did I mention, have sex with him?) 

    So little mama, I leave you with this, if you want your house to stand, love each other well. 

5 Simple Steps to Defuse The Angry Mom Syndrome

    

   I posted on Wednesday an issue that I've been really struggling with, anger. It comes in all shapes and sizes in my home. Yelling, testy remarks, impatience, careless words, agitation, and more. Yes, I am the mom that yells, raises her voice, tells her kids to hurry up, and says unkind things to her husband. Not all the time, however there are days when silly little things just rattle me and get under my skin. I don't want to be this woman anymore and it's time to move forward with God walking along side me to change it.
   I couldn't believe I wasn't the only one willing to admit that I have this problem and would like to hug those of you who came forward via emails, comments, and facebook to tell me you have some of the same tendencies. So now that we know we would much rather focus on being a Proverbs 14 woman, let's list a few ways we can combat our anger. Print this out and stick it on the fridge if you need to! I did.

5 Simple Steps to De-Fuse Your Inner Angry Mommy

1. Start Each Day with God. Create in me a clean heart O God, renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10, NLT.

    I know it sounds simple, but it is SO not. It's about surrendering your agenda, your to-do list, your home, your body, and your thoughts to God. I begin each day groggy eyed as I head downstairs with to meet my maker. I've actually had visions of Him standing at the bottom of the stairs with my coffee, waiting for me to ascend to chat with Him about the day I'm going to have. Try not to be rigid as I give you my example. My prayer time is set up in a journal as follows.

• Thankfuls
• Confessions (usually includes outbursts of anger from the day before, or the nasty thoughts about women Ive come into contact that look cuter and more put together than myself.)
• Intercede: Pray for specifics of each family member and friends, pastors, etc.
• Worldly issues that bug me.
• Personal prayers that I utter to no one!
• Wait on God to answer or soak in His presence.

When I've finished my prayer time, I read the bible. We, as women, are more intimately connected with our spirits, so if we starve our spirits, other people will notice and not in a good way. Does irritability, agitation, and not being calm ring a bell? Remember Gog's word is living and active!


2. Move. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
    Face it ladies, we were made to make babies, we pack on the pounds as if the next great famine is coming. Because of how we were created, we need to exercise. There I said it, e-x-e-r-c-i-s-e. Exercises releases natural endorphins, and helps our body get rid of impurities, plus studies do show that it does increase our mood. For me, it gives me focus, clarity, and calmness after I've done my dreaded  run on the treadmill or Jillian Michael's DVDs (I currently have a love hate relationship with that woman. Love how she gets my body in shape, hate the workout).


3. Let it Go. (Review all of Psalm 130).
      Our sins were nailed to the cross a couple thousand years ago. Every thought, angry word and action has been removed from us. So why then do we hold onto the biting words from our husbands, or stay irritated at our kids? Create a loving environment. When your child messes up, help him right the wrong, forgive and immediately let it go.
     This teaches your children to not hold grudges as well as forgiveness. Many of us Mama's have anger because of some past hurt. LET  IT GO. It doesn't mean God won't hold that person responsible, it means that the hurt no longer has power over you. Much of our anxiety, pent up frustration has to do with what is still lurking in the corners of your heart. Take it to God.


4. Is It Worth It? Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9 -
   My kids are growing up. That means more fights, more attention and more arguments. There is chaos, screams, loud noises, messy rooms, crumbs in places I didn't think I would ever find them, immaturity, and so much more going on in my home, twenty four hours a day and here is my confession...it irritates the living daylights out of me. My friends call some of my erratic cleaning issues as visual chaos syndrome, I hate messes and then God blessed me with three kids.
    My point is this, is it worth getting angry over? Is it worth stomping my feet and shooting dirty glances at my five year old who spilled juice everywhere because he was gurgling it and balancing the cup with his fingers?

• Is it worth getting angry or frustrated when my three year old wants to wear princess shoes while we run her brother to preschool in the snow?
• Is it worth getting frustrated that my husband decides to stay up late watching movies and wakes me even though I have to be up by 5 a.m. (Yes, Jesus is downstairs waiting for me that early in the morning and no--I don't set an alarm clock for it either).
• Is it worth getting frustrated when I have to battle my oldest into wearing jeans for church (she has aspergers and hates the feel of jeans, eventually I will buy her clothes she likes).

Sit back, take a deep breath in the moment and consciously decide if getting angry is worth it. Will the outcome matter? Is the anger going to build up the situation or tear your family down in it?


5. Recognize the Cycles.  "There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1. 


     Face it ladies, we have cycles and not just the one we all dread every month. Open your eyes to the way your children act throughout the week, what causes it, how do they react and how to you react? Then take steps to change or minimize the issues that cause you stress.
     I've recently become aware of days when my body is worn out during a certain time of the month. When my body feels this way, my attitude and perspective are depressive. I tend to lash out at anything that breathes. Keep in mind, whatever the issue, it too will pass; like teething, potty training, tight financial crunch, broken down car, etc. It will pass. We want to have this perspective so we can use wise words around our families.
     Eliminate the stress of your schedule. I used to keep a very rigid schedule for cleaning. I've learned that laundry isn't as important as playing on the floor with my kids. Who cares about the counter tops, save it for company! 


     Hopefully these simple tips will help you regain the ground you've lost to anger and frustration. The work of raising strong, healthy, Godly children is so much more important than the issues that cause us anger. Recognize what triggers your frustration and ask God to walk with you to defuse it. Ask Him to open the eyes of your heart in order that you may build up your family with your words and actions. Don't forget to leave a comment or two. Our transparency helps others feel that they are not alone in working on this issue. It gives us all the confidence to move forward!

Are You an Angry Mom?

     

     Hold the phone ladies, back away from the Proverbs 31 wife perspective for a moment. I think we missed a chick that had far more superior wisdom several books ago. Sure we all want to be diligent, finding favor in our husband’s eyes and being called ‘blessed’ by our children; but in order to have this kind of life we need to build our families up.

    For the last few months God has graciously brought another area to the surface. I've uprooted addictions, insecurities, become more disciplined and now that things are somewhat calm around here, and it’s time to work on something that no mom or wife really wants to talk about...ANGER. It's time to work on my issue, being called quick tempered, Irish, or needing anger management isn't so funny anymore. It's especially eye opening when I see them tense up and back away from me as my voice gets louder and my body gets increasingly tense.

     Last week I got to travel with a good friend of mine to a speaking engagement and I got the nerve to tell her about the issue and the struggles of trying to change. She replied that some of us don’t ever get out of the anger cycle because it works for us. That’s right ladies, we have a temper because, “It works for us.” Think about it, does your child stop his/her behavior when that pot boils over? Does your husband give your space or allow you to do what you want to do?

     I’ll admit it, my temper flaring is my biggest weakness, and when it flares how then am I supposed to build my family up? All the diligence and buying of fields in the world isn’t going to matter if my attitude and words tear my family at the seams. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”  Anger and frustration get in the way of calm voices, and words that could shape my children’s hearts. Instead, anger causes hurt feelings, careless words, and leaving family member’s feelings very insecure.

    Before I can pursue being a Proverbs 31 woman, I need to pursue the wise woman who builds up her family. I’d much rather build my children and husband up in their esteem and confidence, I’d rather focus my energy on investing in their lives as God intended me to. 

A Dancing Lesson

    

(I posted this in August, but with all the emails I've been getting, it's time for a refresher course on dancing!).
When we first learn to dance, someone takes us by the hands and directs our steps. How we loved to be the center of attention as we twirled and captivated our partners. From the time we are little girls learning to dance on daddy's shoes, to being all grown up, someone has held our hands as we danced.
     So how is it in the dance of life that I learned to be so independent? How is it that I decided to dance on my own? Between accepting my daughter's autism, and nearly losing this new pregnancy, I decided that it was much easier to dance by myself than to dance with God.
     Have you been there? Life has overwhelmed you with a new reality while you are still tending to healing scars? Have you decided to take on more than you can balance or maybe your partner is taking a breather; leaving you to continue dancing by yourself?
    My mentor mom Roxie called me the other day and though she was just calling to check on items for MOPS, the words she spoke sounded the end of this dance of independence. I could hear God whispering, "Heather, no worries, just follow My lead. I'm going to teach you exactly what to do. No one else can dance this dance quite like you--if you hold My hand."
     All too often life catches up to me and I am afraid to reach out to others whom God has placed in my life for friendship and support; and the friends who I do reach out to, I keep at a safe distance in the thought that I can do this by myself. Last night as I heard God speak these words to me, I realized how much more beautiful dancing can be if I have a partner and I let Him lead.
    

Fearfully Made is Caught--Not Taught.

     How did we learn about life, friends, and the world when we were little? Most of the stuff I remember from childhood was caught per say, not taught. I don't remember much from textbooks, lectures, or tests. The lessons I learned were walked out in front of me via teachers, peers, and my parents. Lately, I have been trying to teach my daughter about courage, confidence, and strength. All of course deal with the insecurities of being a gangly, 5 foot 7 inch tall, puberty induced teenage girl.

     Do you remember those days? Ugh,I feel like it was yesterday. I remember feeling like I didn't fit in, like I was the bean pole ,white haired freak of my nearly all Mexican school. The teasing and bullying left scars that I still deal with today. For goodness sake, I was nicknamed, 'Heather, the albino reindeer', amongst my Arizona-Mexican boarder classmates...  
    Even being 30, I sometimes have to deal with my insecurities--like feeling left out, not fitting in, thinking I'm not as cool as the next mom; it all leads me back to my identity in Christ. As I walk these incredibly trying moments out in front of my sixth grader; I am making sure she sees that I stand on God's promises of who I am. I am the daughter of a King, an Heir to His throne, a masterpiece, despite what my feelings tell me. Feelings and perceptions falter and change from one moment to the next; God's word is constant and has been proven as truth for thousands of years. His Word also breathes life into me each and every time I read and accept it! Acceptance is the key here, I can accept what this world tells me as truth, or I can see the truth through God's eyes.
    When the truth is accepted in my heart, another small transformation begins. Most of the time I don't see it or sense it, but Cheyenne does. I pray she learns in her heart who she is in Christ and not what this fading world tells her; for she is fearfully and wonderfully made.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14.