Harry Potter, Bella, Edward, and Jesus

   

     I must admit we were fans of Harry Potter when the movies first began arriving as box office hits. The basic plot of good versus evil, and the magic of believing in ourselves created a warm fuzzy feeling that I could conquer the challenges in my life. In the very least, it was a fun escape from reality.

     In the meantime, the craze of The Twilight Series that surrounded the characters Bella, Edward, and Jacob have raked in millions and created a huge following of teens and adults alike. Bella was a normal, average girl in love with a vampire, while Jacob, a shape shifting wolf was in love with her. Again the plot revolved around love conquering evil and how it can survive if we believe in ourselves.

     I love a good movie as much as the next chick but I can't help but question why these movies are such big hits, instead of Jesus. Don't get me wrong, Jesus isn't some imaginary hero with a wand or fangs, but He possesses the very thing many of us are searching for. Jesus had and still has the power to change a life. He has the power to demolish strongholds, restore broken hearts, and war against the darkness that is lurking outside our front doors. He walked the earth, healing boils, lesions, raising the dead, restoring relationships and encouraging us all to look beyond ourselves to His father. 

     So why then are we still so interested in putting imaginary characters on a pedestal instead of believing in someone who is real, who has real power? From a mother's perspective, I think because He isn't presented as tangible for our children to see. The work of looking beyond what our view is sometimes just too much work and we are so used to deferring to imaginary characters to escape reality. 

    This world isn't as real as we think. It's a bus stop into our eternal lives where God has a huge kingdom with happenings, beyond our wildest dreams. Living right now was meant for us to prepare for what God has planned for us tomorrow. And the plot thickens as we choose each day to believe in the power of God working through us or not. 
     Do you believe in the power of God? Does it give you chills to know His power works through our weaknesses? I don't know about you, but I'd much rather dream in the reality of my day to day ordinary life, knowing God is doing something big. It's better than escaping into box office hits where a wand is just a wand...

Jeremiah 10:12

It is he who made the earth by his power,

who established the world by his wisdom,

and by his understanding stretched out the heavens.

     

Mom's Journey Takes a New Turn & She's Got Some New Tools

Mom Journey Takes A New Turn.

     So I've been on this "Mom" Journey for the last 12 and a half years (give or take a few days). I pride myself on being a good mother. I stay home, I work on my projects when the kids are sleeping, and try to provide healthy meals disguised as yummy fun foods. This doesn't include tackling Mount Everest everyday in the laundry room, the bills I pay, or the yucky chores reserved for me. But lately I don't feel like I'm being a good mom. A few months ago, God shook me awake by pointing out a few flaws. One flaw in particular is a glaring blind spot about commanding my kids to obey, just because I'm mom.

Do As I Say.

      When you were little, do you remember those words coming out of your mama's mouth. Tell me, did you obey because you wanted to or because you were in fear of your life? I mostly listened to my mama because I knew she could snuff me out in an instant. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's that I actually liked my mom. I don't want to raise my kids that way. I don't want to strong arm them into doing what I've asked. 

     In a past post about Shaping the Heart, my daughter's antics revealed that my purpose is to shape her heart, not her actions. If I don't begin shaping my children's hearts, then what is going to stop them from making monumentally poor choices in their teen and early adult years. And believe me, I know about poor choices and having no respect for authority. Yikes!

 While The Cat's Away, The Mice Will Play.

     Seriously, I had this dream about my children being mice and me being a cat recently...very strange. I dreamed that the mice obeyed every command and observed all the rules; until the cat (me) left the house. When the cat left, the mice broke every rule possible. After all, there wasn't anyone there to stop them from misbehaving and why would they want to obey a tyrant anyway?

     Hmm, and then I wonder why I have issues with authority, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...
     Because my children are growing up, I'm looking towards their futures and I'm worried that I am not preparing them to make good choices or have integrity and resolve to be a godly person. Instead, I'm afraid that all I've taught them to do up to this stage in life is obeying to keep mama happy. Seriously, how is that going to work out for them when they're eighteen or twenty-four? 

Love Them On Purpose.

     So while on my mommy journey, I've hit a wall and have been asking for guidance to raise kids that not only obey but they do it because they want to. And even if they don't want to, they choose to because I've asked them.

Loving Your Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk has completely pulled the rug out from under me. Its a fresh look at parenting through God's eyes. Here on earth, we don't have a dictator telling us what we can and can't do every hour of the day; nor has anyone spanked my rear, or yelled at me, or counted to three because I wasn't listening. 

     It has opened my eyes to giving my kids more freedom in their choices, to build a heart to heart connection and tools to guide the everyday parenting challenges. 

     For the last three weeks, mothering has been FUN, yes I said it, FUN, as in a day at the park and it includes the tantrums and melt downs. In these moments, I always felt like I needed to rescue the kids from the situation or feeling like I needed to strong arm my kid into obeying. 

Case in point, the other night my son would not go to bed. Instead of threatening to close his door, take his toys or using encouraging good behaviors to earn Wii time the next morning, we gave threw him for a loop.

      "You're not tired?"

      "No!"

     "Hmmm what are you going to do about it?"

     "Stay up."

    "Okay but since you aren't tired, you can either empty the dishwasher or mops the floors. When you're tired you can go to bed," we (my husband and I) replied as we turned out the lights in the rest of the house, led him to the kitchen and opened the dishwasher for him. Elijah stood there shocked, he was excited he didn't have to be in bed, but wasn't exactly thrilled with the choices. We went to our room and closed the door, anxiously listening for sounds to dishes clanking. We waited ten minutes before checking on the kiddo. The dishwasher was closed and the lights were off. Elijah was in his bed, quiet as a mouse and we haven't had a bed time issue since. 

     There is a time and place for setting firm limits and asking them to obey when needed, in the meantime, my new journey is about presenting choices, giving options, putting the burden of a mistake back into their laps as a life lesson, and empowering them to make good choices. I'm excited to be a parent, to shape their hearts for the future instead of shaping their behavior for the moment. 

Does this timeout look like we are accomplishing the goal of thinking about what they  did?
Nope, didn't think so, but I thought I would ask.

    So now that I've gone on and on about my new mommy tools, what are tools you use to encourage good choices and good behaviors from your kids? What is the most frustrating aspect of parenting your wee ones? Leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it!

Experiencing Grit, Encountering Grace: A Family Christmas

   

Family United

     “Mom, are you gonna cry again,” Mikey asked in monotone before shuffling off to climb into their black diesel truck. As he climbed up into the back of the cab and closed his door, mom smirked at his words and repeated them to the rest of us within ear shot. We all look at her with a knowing smile and reply,

     “You sure will, let the bawling begin!”

      Another round of hugs were given as our step-dad talked a mile a minute about fishing trips in Yellowstone. All of us Shaw sisters (Minus our Army-solider-Korea-resident-sister, Sarah), were dressed in black and white tanks that mom bought us yesterday on our quick five hour shopping trip.Our husbands were busy comparing which Shaw girl looked better and throwing snow balls at the camper and truck as it left our driveway. It had become the best Christmas we had as a family. No hurt feelings, no yelling, no boundaries were crossed. 

The Dirt

     The dirt and grit that covered our family memories and reputation had given way to grace over the weekend. Everyone had laid their weapons down and bared their hearts for the sake of family and togetherness under the banner of family (minus one hair pulling scuffle between Becky and I; and if my sister posts the video to facebook, I just want to say I didn’t have anything to do with her disappearance).
     Throughout our family history of volatile relationships, we all longed for the deep connections and bonds a family was supposed to have. Because of our broken background and fighting for ourselves, we managed to push each other out of our hearts, thinking that being on our own is best.  After 12 years of seemingly drifting, everyone reunited on the grounds of Christmas time.

Chy, Me, Jenna, Becky.

     It reminded me of how God redeemed mankind with the birth of His Son, in one weekend, God redeemed our family from the brokenness we all felt. Granted, there are still some issues to work out, but what family doesn't have those? Anyway, God softened all our hearts and prepared them for forgiveness.

Grit and Grace

     Grit and grace go hand in hand. Chances are, if you’re reading this, you long to experience the grace that God is waiting to give you. He wants you to lay your past hurts and broken relationships on His alter. Leave them there, let Him pick it up and put the pieces back together—His way—in His time.
    Sometimes before we experience grace, we’ve been smudged with dirt that’s gotten under our shell. Family causes friction for the lack of relationships, disrespect, or the smart words that have been thrown your way. We can either allow the grit to spur us towards God and His way of restoration, or we can allow it to pierce our hearts, leaving a mark that was never intended for any soul to bear. 

     As lonely as holiday gatherings can be, allow God to be on your thoughts this Christmas season, and when your family comes to mind, pray that what is between you, can be broken. Hand it over to God and thank Him for the work He is doing in their hearts, He is moving through the grit, so one day, you can experience grace. 

Never Grow Up!

     The house is quiet with the cold evening air wafting in and I can still hear my kids settling into their beds for the night. Only minutes before, I was practicing my, I. will. Not. Yell. skills from Tori’s wild fun of running into our hollow door closets, while Elijah chased her; and of course, Cheyenne was trying to ‘mother’ them with bossy shouts of, “Knock it off!”

   I know that they haven’t fallen asleep yet and my nerves are tense with what they may pull out of their sleeves to fight dreamland. As I sit here waiting, I know there are little angels wiggling around somewhere in those bodies. 

     As much as nights like tonight frustrate me, I know they’re growing up. Even their footsteps tip-toeing down the hall sounds different compared to just a few months before.  They grow so fast and yet time stands still with tantrums, trials, and parent-teacher meetings.  Nothing will be as simple as it now when all they need is for me to hug their problems away, be their play mate, create memories with cardboard boxes and outings to the pumpkin patch.

   Maybe I’m a little reminiscent because I’ve learned how quickly regrets can void a life, or maybe it’s because my littlest is now three. Or maybe it’s because their snow pants from nine months ago are three inches too short. Those three inches mean they are growing up; I’m not their whole world anymore.  

    Oh my darling little babies take your time growing up. Enjoy the stillness of the night when I rub your backs to sleep after we say our bedtime prayers. Make each moment count, enjoy being the age that you are, find God’s dreams for you and have fun developing the talents you have.  Don’t worry your pretty little minds about what you’ll do someday or what your friends are saying; enjoy today, I know I am!

   Maybe tomorrow, I'll be wishing time would move a bit faster with some of their tantrums and "Mommy Mommy Mommy moments", in the mean time, I'll post "Never Grow Up"  from Taylor Swift to remind me of what I'll be missing in a few short years of what God has blessed me with now. 

A Dancing Lesson

    

(I posted this in August, but with all the emails I've been getting, it's time for a refresher course on dancing!).
When we first learn to dance, someone takes us by the hands and directs our steps. How we loved to be the center of attention as we twirled and captivated our partners. From the time we are little girls learning to dance on daddy's shoes, to being all grown up, someone has held our hands as we danced.
     So how is it in the dance of life that I learned to be so independent? How is it that I decided to dance on my own? Between accepting my daughter's autism, and nearly losing this new pregnancy, I decided that it was much easier to dance by myself than to dance with God.
     Have you been there? Life has overwhelmed you with a new reality while you are still tending to healing scars? Have you decided to take on more than you can balance or maybe your partner is taking a breather; leaving you to continue dancing by yourself?
    My mentor mom Roxie called me the other day and though she was just calling to check on items for MOPS, the words she spoke sounded the end of this dance of independence. I could hear God whispering, "Heather, no worries, just follow My lead. I'm going to teach you exactly what to do. No one else can dance this dance quite like you--if you hold My hand."
     All too often life catches up to me and I am afraid to reach out to others whom God has placed in my life for friendship and support; and the friends who I do reach out to, I keep at a safe distance in the thought that I can do this by myself. Last night as I heard God speak these words to me, I realized how much more beautiful dancing can be if I have a partner and I let Him lead.
    

What I Didn't Expect

    Week one is over post D and C, let me tell you, it hasn't been pretty. There were so many unexpected blunders this week that I'm so glad I wasn't able to venture out into the real world anyway. No one prepared me for the fact that my breasts would lactate, I would cry for no apparent reason, or that I'm stuck with an extra ten pounds. Having a muffin top is one thing, but wearing maternity clothes post miscarriage is just another slap in the face reminding me of what I lost.
    Lost ...now there is an excellent word for this week. I was completely unprepared with how to deal with my loss, so when my husband commented for the millionth time how anal I was being about how the dog was chained up, I completely lost it. I beat him with my pillow while bawling that he didn't understand what I was going through. I took my pity party downstairs for the night, only to wake up the next morning to text my nurse friend Cindy about being permanently sedated.
   As disappointed as I was that she couldn't sedate me, I received so much encouragement from her and many women who have faced the loss of a baby. It touched my heart to receive so many emails of encouragement from mothers who have faced loss in various forms, failed adoptions, failed attempts in trying to conceive, still births, SIDS, and multiple miscarriages. The common thread of their encouragement was through God's hands, time would heal my heart.
     So many women have walked through the valley of the shadow of death in terms of losing a child. No two women will ever grieve the same nor totally understand the hurt the other is feeling. Because we have faced a loss, we know what walking through that valley is like. While I didn't expect many of the issues I faced this week, there are others who have walked this road before me. Their words of encouragement and prayers are the strength I need to face time, to know that I am okay, and to put a smile on my face for my other kids.
  

Healing Takes T I M E

     I didn't make my goal this week. Instead of getting back into the world two days after my surgery (D and C), I was relieved and thankful that a friend scooped up my kids while I fell back asleep. Life seems to be moving on, where as I keep finding myself in bed sleeping.
    As frustrated as I am that I am not doing the things I want to be doing, I need to remind myself that my body went through a birth and trauma. The only difference is there is no little one to hold to make me forget the awful moments, and everyone else seems to think that I've had enough time grieving.
   I'm learning this process is different for everyone. Some are more connected to their belly-babes than others. Still others think because I miscarried, the pain should be gone almost instantly and that I ought to focus on the three babes I have now. I'm afraid if I move forward that everyone will forget about our baby, it will be as if he never were expected--though I know it's not true. We all have our ways of remembering and needing to move forward.
    It's a process, it's different for every mother. As women with the common thread of motherhood, we need to honor one another in the aspect of grieving for a miscarriage. It's essentially a miscarried life and with that life--dreams, plans, and a future awaited. Instead, it's gone, tucked away inside our minds with the dreams we had.
    Today I leave you with my favorite song. It has spoken more to my heart in this process than anything else could have. He is helping me remember that He is for me, that He is with me. In my darkest moments, He is faithful and there, even when I'm not ready to move forward...but it's time.



In Moments Like This

   
    I never really understood the depth of God's strength, and love for me until recently. I went to my doctor's appointment full of joy, anticipating my baby's thunderous heartbeat on the screen. As I lay there, the doctor became silent as my womb filled the monitor. She frowned as she moved the screen out of my sight before confirming my worst fears, my baby was gone. No heartbeat could be seen, no movement, no life. My worst fears were confirmed. God knew how hard it was for us to conceive and how badly we dreamed of another child. I kept thinking maybe it was mistake, this can't be real, and still feel like I cannot wake up from this nightmare.
   During the dark hours of the day, all I could do was grieve for my baby and what could have been. I questioned God. I longed to hear His voice, to feel His healing touch, to be pulled in close to His presence. As I lay there grieving I heard Him tell me it's in the brokenness that He brings healing, His hands are there to mend my heart.
     He whispered it's in the times that we are hurting or fallen from grace that He is there--under the weight of our pain, bringing peace in some tangible way. Yet at the same time, I'm angry. Angry that this is happening. He knows my heart and how much I wanted this child. I wanted so badly to stand in His presence, to rail my fists against His chest and question why. I was so tired of pretending that I understood His will and what was best for me. I wanted to shed the walls surrounding my emotions and be real, only to question if He would still be there for me in the midst of my pride, anger, and ugliness. I'm was tired of pretending it was alright and pretending that I would be fine.

    In these dark hours, all I could hear from Him was the love He has for me. Over and over He was telling me that His love surrounds us when we bend and are broken from the pain. He is there in the sorrow, under the weight of our pain. He is carrying us as reel from the anger and turn it towards Him. It's those moments that He loves us all the more. Our hearts are so precious to Him. In these moments, He asks us to hand over our lives, our pain, our hearts, to understand during these moments, we need Him. And when we surrender, He gives us solace.
   The sharp knife of a short life cuts deep as it breaks our hearts; and we grieve the dreams and future we had already planned--but He is there in the heartache, in the midst of the storm, comforting us, never forsaking us.
   
   

Praying Nellie Home

   
  I'm not sure what it is about children that have been orphaned that breaks my heart but somehow it does. There is something truly supernatural happening though. More and more families from Kearney are being moved by the hands of God to adopt. The thought of a family working hard to raise funds, relying on feverish prayers and trusting in God to bring their 'other' child home makes my heart swell. Maybe it's because I'm a mom and the fiercely unconditional love I have for my children takes over my senses. I cannot imagine what a mother was feeling or thinking the day she choose to walk away from her child.
      And then to be the child that is being adopted, oh the love her family has for her already. The blog I stumbled across tells of the ups and downs of adoption. It's extra special to me because the daughter they long to bring home from Russia has special needs. Had they not chosen to adopt Nellie soon, she would have been transferred to a mental institution. How many parents dream of having a special needs child or prepare themselves for one? Special needs children are just as precious as children without special needs.
     Why I chose to blog about this today, I'm not sure. Perhaps it will move your heart to donate funds towards the cost of adoption; to bring her home to a family is priceless. Perhaps it will move your heart to begin praying about what God has in store for you.
You can visit Beth and Dan's blog about adopting Nellie at: Praying Her Home.

Teaching Moments from My Son

      What is it about soon to be five year olds and their mission to be obnoxious? At this point, I'm really hoping that it's just a stage and my son will not grow up to be a not so funny comedian. Lately our mornings begin with him kissing my rear (yes, my rear) and then farting before he dashes off screaming like a loony tune character.
     In his eyes, everything is a joke or can be, plus the more he can irritate Mommy, so much the better! When I've had enough, and begin chasing him through the house to send him to his room, he finds this hysterically funny. He also considers farts, burps, and strange repetitive nosies funny too.
     As annoying as my son is at the moment, I have to sit back and admire his zest for life. He will be five next month and has a unique perspective on life, he enjoys the simplicity of what he's been given. He somehow seems to know that life is a gift and every moment, good or bad is to be enjoyed. Case in point, when the poor kid has diarrhea, he will nearly fall off the toilet as he laughs robustly about the nosies coming from his other end. Most of us would be miserable, instead Elijah is laughing about it.

    In any given case, I am trying to see the world this his eyes. Sometimes I think the very reason God wanted us to raise children is because of their fresh perspective on life, to view the world like it was brand new. As we age, we tend to lose that child-like faith and point of view, especially after trials and tribulations we all face. This perspective is especially important to me as I'm continuing to walk through some dark moments. Elijah reminds me that the God is here with us, walking besides us. We can give Him our trials and hurts still be able to smile through it all. Even though Elijah's mission in life at the moment is to be as obnoxious as possible, he is teaching his mommy some very important lessons!

The Shape of Motherhood

     Ever feel like a ball of play dough? If I were to describe myself at the moment, that would be it, a fresh new peice of play dough that is no longer sitting round and unshaped in its container. Instead, I'm in God's hands being smashed, kneaded, pulled apart, and reshaped. In this new season of motherhood, there are several things reshaping my heart, my view of motherhood and God. Cheyenne's diagnosis of Aspergers squeezed everything I knew about God in my heart. Then there's a new development in my son's behaviors, which is leading us down a familiar road of A.D.H.D., all the while, I'm trying to balance my writing career, on top of juggling the mommy domestic dailies and the new behavior and learning issues of my first two kids.
    God is using all these circumstances to tug and pull me into the shape He wants me to be, and here I thought motherhood was about raising kids. In reality, God is using motherhood to shape me. He is using my children to bring to the surface areas that need His hands. He is molding me because I need Him. We all need Him. If we are willing to place ourselves in His hands, count on God molding, shaping and reshaping you into the design He intended. Tricia Goyer's book title caught my eye, the book Blue Like Play Dough: the shape of motherhood in the grip of God says it all. It speaks volumes to my heart in one sentence. Though I haven't read the book yet, I can imagine how God used motherhood to shape her heart as well.
     In a way we all are like balls of play dough and God is asking us if we want to be shaped for His design. It's up to us to bring our insecurities, our worries, our perceptions to Him. In the process of life, He will use our children as His hands to do the shaping. It comes through the sleepless nights, insisting on whats best for your toddler and so much more. He will use diangosis' of disorders to tugg our hearts into the direction He wants us to lead. Though sometimes it's painful, He alone sees the finished design.

A Life Interrupted

    

      Lately I've begun to wonder if God has my interests at heart. As a wife and mother, all my carefully laid plans have changed.

     Halted.

     Put on hold.

     Changed directions.

     Interrupted.

     All of my plans have been interrupted in one way or another. Each seems connected to the other. Our finances have taken a hit, the extra work I was doing for income will not be an option this fall. Our dreams we had for our daughter have been interrupted by a recent diagnosis of Aspergers and the therapy for her is intensely expensive, yet needed. It’s brought an uncertain future, intense therapy, a new reality. My position in ministry has made me wonder if it’s where God wants me because others are questioning my ability due to inexperience.  Then there’s my writing, my dream of being an author, it’s taken a slower track because of one glitch or another. If He truly is in all of this like His word says, then what on earth is He up to?

      God’s message in Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways.”

      Are you a mom like me whose life has been interrupted in some way? It’s made you feel as if you’ve been sucker-punched. Maybe it’s because of a recent diagnosis,  you didn’t get the promotion you were expecting, your finances have plummeted to rock bottom, your husband or friend hasn’t been totally honest with you, or maybe that pregnancy test is negative—again. These interruptions happen to everyone, they come in large sizes and small. Irritating and inconvenient.

     Maybe all these interruptions aren’t just interruptions, maybe He is telling us something. Maybe He is trying to teach us an important life lesson that we will need as the foundation for what He has in store for us later. Maybe He wants us to get closer to His heart before we move ahead with our futures. Either way, no matter the situation, we need to turn around and run to Him. Look to Him despite the situation. Ask Him for the direction He wants you to go. These interruptions are your chance to see Him take center stage and watch Him work out these details. The life lessons we learn are so much greater than the plans we had in store in the first place.

     Are you willing to run to God during your problem, or are you running from Him. Let’s approach Him with an open heart and express our worries. Then let’s sit back and wait with full expectation to watch Him work in our lives. We have to be willing and expectant.

    What interruptions have caused you to question God? Are you willing to run to Him or from Him. Leave a comment and start the conversation, so many moms are looking for others to be transparent with their struggles. 

Navigating the Waters of Motherhood with MOPS!

   
   Motherhood is not for the weak of heart. Most days I juggle through our routine in pure survival mode. It takes, strength, vigilance, consistency, and determination. It also takes confidence within ourselves. I suppose that's why when I walked into my first MOPS meeting, I felt like I had finally landed on planet mom where everyone spoke the same language and understood the trials I was going through with my newborn son. Growing up in a less than ideal family, the last thing I ever wanted to be was a mom. My perspective was that anyone could be a mom, but MOPS showed me how to be a mother. As the year progressed, MOPS helped this clueless and high-strung Mama develop into a leader, a confident woman, and loving mom. 
    The reason why I'm writing about MOPS today is because our new year is beginning and I ran into a mom at the park the other day who felt clueless. Most of her friends didn't embrace the idea of motherhood, and her kids were running circles around her. I saw a reflection of my old self in her, not to mention God shinning through her. It was as if God was saying, "Befriend her, she has the potential (like all mothers) to be something great." 
    As we made small talk, she chattered away about being new to our town, leaving her job, and how she loved her two little toddlers; yet she was frustrated because her friends and family didn't seem to understand the awesome burden that was resting on her shoulders. She didn't want to blunder through motherhood, she wanted to improve her patience, not yell so much, and meet other women who were like her. 
     Before I left the park, I jogged back to my suburban, wading through pull-ups, empty snack wrappers, old french fries, and mismatched shoes before I found a MOPS card to give to my new mommy friend. I left the park that day feeling blessed to know that I somehow became an anchor for this woman while she was navigating the waters of motherhood. I was blessed to know that God didn't give me a big mouth or passion just for the pure joy of it. It reminded me of the theme verse for MOPS this season, 2 Timothy 1:7, "God doesn't want us to be shy with His gifts, but bold, loving, and sensible." Bold...so glad God instilled within me the passion to see other women reach their potential as a women and mothers; and yet this coincidental meeting at the park was just another example of how much God loves mothers and doesn't want us to mother alone!

What Are Your Thoughts About Being A Mom

   

    Even after twelve years of being a mother, I find that I tend to take stock of my flaws. They are ever before me, looming over my head as I charter the waters of mothering, wondering if I can be a good mother. Do you ever find yourself saying, "If I was had more patience...maybe if I didn't have a temper...if only I had a better personality...why can't I get it together like other moms?" 
    God created each of us to mother, He also created us with the flaws we have. It's through our weaknesses that we can grow and He purposefully made us with these flaws so we know that when we make headway in a particular area, we know that He is walking with us. God also provided a direction of thinking when we begin to get down on ourselves. Take Philippians 4:8 for example, when we find that all we can see is our flaws, His word says, "Finally brothers, what is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on about these things." (ESV). 
     When we think about the remarkable things He is through our lives as we mold and shape our children, we can find joy in our walk with Him. He asks us not to see our flaws, but to see what He is doing through our insecurities. When I compare myself to when I first became a mother to who I am now, I can see where God has made awesome progress. It's up to us to keep our hearts focused on Him!
     What do you find to be the hardest part of mothering in terms of viewing yourself. How do you set the example of resting in who your are as God's child in front of your children? Leave a comment, I would love to hear from you. You can visit my site, or visit me on Facebook at Saved by Love. 

No Mother Ever Wants to Hear Her Child is Not Normal

     How is it that one moment can rock your world and change the course of life? Yet at the same time, it brings understanding to past moments of questioning and uncertainty. As I sat on my daughter's counselor's couch, I wanted to scream at her. The diagnosis she laid before me, shattered my reality, and at the same time brought clarity to every question I ever had about my daughter. It brought me face to face with my deepest fear as a mother.
    No mother ever wants to hear their child is not normal (I'd really like to ring the person's neck who created the word normal). No mother wants to her their child will struggle. Sure all of our children will struggle in life as they grow up; but to know your child will struggle even harder than the rest is beyond heartbreaking. 
    While I'm still grieving the dreams I had for my daughter and even facing my own demons of 'what will other people think' (once again, thank you mom for this wonderful Shaw trait), a dear friend wrote the sweetest of words to me as I poured my heart out to her. She told me God already knew all of this, He already planned it. Life isn't about what we make it, but how each struggle, and each life brings glory to Him. Am I willing to abandon it all for Him?
     Whether or not this diagnosis is truth (we are getting a 3rd opinion in July from a specialist), my mind was flooded continuously with words from a worship song. Over and over I heard ever so softly to abandon everything I had dreamed; to stand with my arms held high. He stood before creation with my baby in mind, He knew exactly what He was doing when He gave her to me. Nothing is ever as it seems.
     For now, I will grieve what I had planned and lay to rest what normal is. As the tears subside, I will be able to look towards the future and God. I'll keep my eyes on Him and ask, "Alright, so this is Your plan, You created her perfectly in Your image. Help me to walk along side her to the life You called her. Help me to see Your beauty in all of this. For heaven's sake, take the word normal out of dictionary!" 

Everyday Examples of God's Grace, Party Animals and All

 

    "Mom, that woman is cussing, smoking, and she has a beer in her hand. She's drinking and she is NOT wearing very much clothes!" My daughter Cheyenne whispered to me in a shocked voice as we tried to enjoy our usual evening in the backyard. We recently got a new neighbor who bought the house next to us. Instead of having a family oriented couple, we got a party chick in her mid-thirties who still thought she was 21. We tried to play softball and soccer but the party next door was becoming hard to ignore with shouts of the F-bomb. The next thing we knew, we had highly intoxicated guys scaling our six foot fence.
     "Heather, stop glaring at the guy or we're going inside," Chris growled at me as I made eye contact with the next idiot that climbed our fence. My message was very clear, "Stop invading this Mama Bear's territory. You are now in G-rated-ville, so knock off the rude behaviors, or you'll deal with me."
The next comment we all heard was, "Your neighbor is a BEEP, she's giving us dirty looks." Chris dropped the soccer ball and dragged me into the house, kids in tow. Chris learned from years of experience of past situations, it was best to just ignore it and drag me out of it. He didn't want to risk the possibility of his wife having to take another anger management class.
     Despite seeing red, I somehow knew God was finding this whole situation humorous, especially after Cheyenne continued to pepper us with comments of what the ladies next door were wearing, or lack of wearing.
     "Chy, you have to give them grace. You're Daddy and I used to be exactly like those people next door, clothes and all. That's why Jesus came. Can you see the difference between them and what we are like now?"
     Shocked with my lecture, Cheyenne's eyes darted from the window to me, back to them.
"It's a great idea for all of us to pray for those next door, you can pray that God ignites their hearts for them and changes their lifestyles, sweetie."Cheyenne licked her lips, and sighed. "OK, but Jesus has ALOT of work to do over there." 
    God uses everyday moments like this to remind us why His Son came in the first place. These moments cause us to stop and thank God for how much work He's done in our lives. Sometimes though the changes may be small, over time, His mighty handiwork of grace is undeniable. As much as I wanted to badmouth my new neighbor and her extra curricular activities, God was telling my heart she was a work in progress. It was up to me to show her grace and give her an example who God is. At the same time, Cheyenne is learning the world she lives in is full of people that are in need of grace and God himself.

A Reflection Of Me Through Parenting Moments

    For the fifth time in less than three minutes, I hauled Tori back into her bed while taking more toys from her room. I was beyond frustrated with her not staying bed. I just wanted to decompress in the depths of quiet and alone time before I went to bed. Not understanding why I was so aggravated, I sent up a silent prayer to God. I shouldn't have been so angry, after all, motherhood is about training your child in obedience and to hear God's voice and clearly Tori had her own ideas about bedtime. That's when I heard God reply back, "You aren't angry with her, you are upset because you see reflections of your mistakes in your child."
     This thought hit me like a ton of bricks. I paused at Tori's bedside and wondered just what that meant. The behaviors of my kids this week alone made me feel like we were a family of failures, Tori had cut her hair in the middle of her head, Elijah got a black eye from surfing in the bathtub and my oldest decided to shave her eyebrows.  Other thoughts swirled with the many mistakes I had made in my lifetime, each adding up to another moment of what seemed like failure. Gently, God impressed on my heart that my mistakes were not failures, instead these mistakes were life lessons. Mistakes were not mistakes unless I didn't gain anything. At the same time, I realized that I needed to radically change my thoughts and view of parenting.
     Instead of seeing every act of disobedience as a failure on the path to a lifetime of mistakes (and perhaps jail time), I needed to open my eyes to the learning opportunities each moment of discipline had for my child. For the last eleven years I had been parenting out of fear, that if my children didn't get it right and kept repeating the same offenses, they were headed for failure. Instead, I need to parent out of opportunity, a chance to train them into making choices for themselves. As frustrating as some of these parenting moments are, I need to view each moment as a fresh moment in making good choices. 

     

Mother's Day & Our Dreams

 This weekend is a time to honor our mothers for all the sacrifices they've given us. They ruined their bodies to carry us, endured excruciating pain to birth us, spend countless nights awake to hold us as we wailed. Then they did their best to launch us into the world, hoping the thousands of prayers they've prayed over us will help sink our roots into our mighty God. 

     Our moms then couldn't be any more ecstatic when we ourselves become mothers and we repeat the process as we dream the possibilities for our children. But when the unexpected becomes the reality, mother's day isn't as the same. What do we do when our worst fears are realized? What happens when the doctor tells you something you never expected that results in a life altering existence for your child?

      Mother's day is sure to be celebrated and grieved at the same time. There is still do much joy that our child brings us and yet we grieve the dreams that  have become stillborn; all the while praising God for the child He created in His image so perfectly. We hand the child over to God (after all, she is only loaned to us for a little while), and tell Him to show us the plan He has for her; and that's when He whispers to our hearts, "She will be fine, she will be more than fine, the struggle will be harder for you than it will be for her. Just I stood by and watched the struggle my Son endured so you could be with Me, it will be the same for you. Little Mama, don't you think I know how it breaks your heart to watch your child suffer and struggle? Don't you think I know what it's like to know about what your child is going to have to endure? I AM with you, I AM with her and I'll carry you both when you think you can't go on." 

    

   Never in a million years did I ever imagine that I would be sitting on stage in a church to tell my story (rather God's story) of redemption. Today my husband and I bared our souls, our mistakes, and shared our mess we created for the congregation of New Heights Assembly Church, of York Nebraska. Seven years ago, my life was an absolute mess, I didn't want to live, my marriage was in shambles, and my addictions ran my life. The words of Jeremiah 29:11 resonate deeply in my heart as I reflect on what God has restored. In Him I have so much hope. In Him, I live a life in spite of me. He forgives, redeems, and restores. Below is the link to the site if you would like to watch the message given today. My husband and I were honored to share our mess because it causes hearts to ignite and hope in our awesome, mighty God.  www.nhachurch.com. The key to letting God change your life is to seek Him with all your heart. Let Him be your heart's desire.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11.

Family Ties

 Come and hear,all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me.I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue.If I had cherished sin in my heart,

   the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened

   and has heard my prayer.Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalms 66:16-20

 My son has the cheesiest grin on his face. Even though he is four years old, Elijah seems to know just how special it is to be spending time with my father. Tori my youngest drags Grandpa to the rock wall and instructs him how to help her climb, while my oldest waits her turn to jump rope with him. We spent an entire morning lost in the moment of making memories in simple child's play.

      My Dad has spent years in the bottom of a liquor bottle or strung on out drugs. Just barely a year ago, God wrestled with his heart and Dad surrendered. When he did surrender, God restored his life, his spirit, and our relationship. 

     I spent years praying for this man. Wounded and abandoned, I prayed for him. Angry and confused by his self centered ways, I prayed for him. Forgiving and letting go, I prayed for him. My Dad has been clean just over a year and God's spirit has done more that just restore this man. He's restored our family, opened the lines communication and healed the wounds in our hearts; this is the year of redemption for our family. 

      What gives me the greatest joy is watching my babies call my Dad, "Grandpa", while he plays with them on the floor and spoils them rotten like Grandpa's were meant to do. And as the afternoon fades into the evening, we sit out on the back porch swapping scriptures like playing cards and how each one applies to our lives. We talk about the past, no feelings of bitterness erupt as we reflect on God's purpose and plan. Every once in a while, I glimpse the midst in his eyes, as his heart grows heavy with what he's missed out on; and yet I smile because of the blessing of the moment. 

      So many of us have loved ones that are caught in addiction or lost to the thinking of there is no God while we sit back, holding our breath and praying. We wonder if God hears our prayers and if redemption and restoration will be seen in our lifetime. Our hearts ache with the emptiness of the void our severed ties bring, and yet I'm living proof God does hear our prayers...and yes beloved, He does answer them.