Never Grow Up!

     The house is quiet with the cold evening air wafting in and I can still hear my kids settling into their beds for the night. Only minutes before, I was practicing my, I. will. Not. Yell. skills from Tori’s wild fun of running into our hollow door closets, while Elijah chased her; and of course, Cheyenne was trying to ‘mother’ them with bossy shouts of, “Knock it off!”

   I know that they haven’t fallen asleep yet and my nerves are tense with what they may pull out of their sleeves to fight dreamland. As I sit here waiting, I know there are little angels wiggling around somewhere in those bodies. 

     As much as nights like tonight frustrate me, I know they’re growing up. Even their footsteps tip-toeing down the hall sounds different compared to just a few months before.  They grow so fast and yet time stands still with tantrums, trials, and parent-teacher meetings.  Nothing will be as simple as it now when all they need is for me to hug their problems away, be their play mate, create memories with cardboard boxes and outings to the pumpkin patch.

   Maybe I’m a little reminiscent because I’ve learned how quickly regrets can void a life, or maybe it’s because my littlest is now three. Or maybe it’s because their snow pants from nine months ago are three inches too short. Those three inches mean they are growing up; I’m not their whole world anymore.  

    Oh my darling little babies take your time growing up. Enjoy the stillness of the night when I rub your backs to sleep after we say our bedtime prayers. Make each moment count, enjoy being the age that you are, find God’s dreams for you and have fun developing the talents you have.  Don’t worry your pretty little minds about what you’ll do someday or what your friends are saying; enjoy today, I know I am!

   Maybe tomorrow, I'll be wishing time would move a bit faster with some of their tantrums and "Mommy Mommy Mommy moments", in the mean time, I'll post "Never Grow Up"  from Taylor Swift to remind me of what I'll be missing in a few short years of what God has blessed me with now. 

Shaping the Heart

Raising strong-willed children is like having an army of toddlers in your home. These iron-willed babes will test every boundary and challenge any directive given. While I've been in the trenches of motherhood as a stay at home mom for several years, my goal has been to shape their behavior, lest they become criminals behind bars.
     I'm hoping y'all can relate to the limit testing sessions my youngest has been devising as she is reaching the terrible three's (Two’s were a breeze mamas; it's the three’s we need to prepare for!) She has decided that pottying everywhere other than the bathroom is way more fun, and no matter the direction I give her, she flat out refuses unless it's her idea. The final straw was the stunt she pulled on Wednesday night for Rainbows class. She threw a fit because she didn't want to sit at the table and color. So I warned her, "Tori, if you continue throwing your fit, I will take you home right now and you can go to bed, this is your last chance."
     Tori replied with authority, "YES, take me home, I want to go to bed!” What parent can win when the child has figured out the logic of the game? Frustrated, I left her there screaming, while other parents gave me the, 'Oh-you're-that-kind-of-parent' look.
     This past Sunday my pastor opened my eyes to what I had forgotten about parenting. Because these past few months had been so trying, I had forgotten how to parent. I was focused on remedying the behavior, and not shaping their hearts. If I wanted my children to trust and obey me, I needed to be molding their hearts like God was molding mine. God doesn't focus on our behaviors; He focuses on molding our hearts.
     In the midst of motherhood, appealing to our child's hearts causes them to want to do the right thing and shapes their hearts for the future. Just as God we place ourselves in God's hands; He molds, grips, and shapes our hearts through every day trials. In the process, He appeals to our love for Him, and we want to do the absolute best we can (plus we aren't big fans of learning a lesson over and over). If I want my children to grow up with compassion for others and passion for our God, then I need to mother their hearts, not just the behavior!

Fearfully Made is Caught--Not Taught.

     How did we learn about life, friends, and the world when we were little? Most of the stuff I remember from childhood was caught per say, not taught. I don't remember much from textbooks, lectures, or tests. The lessons I learned were walked out in front of me via teachers, peers, and my parents. Lately, I have been trying to teach my daughter about courage, confidence, and strength. All of course deal with the insecurities of being a gangly, 5 foot 7 inch tall, puberty induced teenage girl.

     Do you remember those days? Ugh,I feel like it was yesterday. I remember feeling like I didn't fit in, like I was the bean pole ,white haired freak of my nearly all Mexican school. The teasing and bullying left scars that I still deal with today. For goodness sake, I was nicknamed, 'Heather, the albino reindeer', amongst my Arizona-Mexican boarder classmates...  
    Even being 30, I sometimes have to deal with my insecurities--like feeling left out, not fitting in, thinking I'm not as cool as the next mom; it all leads me back to my identity in Christ. As I walk these incredibly trying moments out in front of my sixth grader; I am making sure she sees that I stand on God's promises of who I am. I am the daughter of a King, an Heir to His throne, a masterpiece, despite what my feelings tell me. Feelings and perceptions falter and change from one moment to the next; God's word is constant and has been proven as truth for thousands of years. His Word also breathes life into me each and every time I read and accept it! Acceptance is the key here, I can accept what this world tells me as truth, or I can see the truth through God's eyes.
    When the truth is accepted in my heart, another small transformation begins. Most of the time I don't see it or sense it, but Cheyenne does. I pray she learns in her heart who she is in Christ and not what this fading world tells her; for she is fearfully and wonderfully made.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14.

Joy Stolen--Take it Back.

     As moms, we face trials and tribulations sometimes on a daily basis that could drive us over the edge--can I get an amen? I faced several trials this summer with learning to accept that my oldest is Autistic. Granted, she is 12 and she is still the same little girl who has my heart, but knowing God created her this way was and still is very difficult to accept.
     Combine this new diagnosis with becoming a chauffeur to appointments nearly every afternoon of the week; not to mention struggles with homework, and raising two other kids, I had lost my joy in being a mother. While I struggled with accepting our new lifestyle and routine, I found out I was pregnant, only to have the joy of anticipation stolen through miscarriage.
     All of this left me breathless and joyless. Have you felt this way? Has a situation or circumstance left you spinning? You wonder what God is up to while feeling a bit perturbed that He allowed it. Yet, we forget one very important thing...the enemy. The enemy prowls the earth looking to steal our joy, if he succeeds, he can take you down with him. The scriptures say he has prowls outside our doorsteps looking to kill, steal, and destroy.
    As creepy as the thought is that there is something lurking outside our doors while we snuggle with our little ones, we need to remember what Romans 8:35, 37-39 says, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Because we cannot be separated from the Lord, He is walking the every day trials with us. When we feel as if we have been side-swiped through something like a miscarriage, we need to remember He is still there, carrying us, shielding us from the darts of the enemy.
   I had lost my joy because I allowed the feelings of defeat to be bigger than God. I forgot that we are more than conquerors in Christ. There will be trials, heartaches and headaches, that much is a guarantee. Yet if we continue to keep our focus on Jesus and how much He loves us, we will still have our joy because it rests alone in Him.

MomSense

    I think I'm finally getting used to my own ways of being a mom, everyone has a different mothering style, voice, tone, technique and approach. So imagine how excited I was to review this year's theme for MOPS and to read the book, MomSense. Jean Blackmer, an acquaintance of mine who wrote MomSense simplifies motherhood. Instead of getting caught up in the hype of what could damage your child, the best way to potty train, breast versus bottle, and more, she encourages moms to take in all the advice, listen to your own instincts and do what works for you and your family.
        This insight is something I definitely need to be reminded of often. I used to feel bad as I watched other moms use quiet tones and distractions, while I was busy defining exactly where the boundaries were each and every moment for my kids. My parenting style needed to be different and I wondered if it was such a bad thing. That's just it, MomSense is about trusting your own instincts, weighing the options of professional advice and running with what works for your child. Sometimes the stage changes and you have to stand back and weigh the options again. Learning to accept who you are and what works for your family makes motherhood oh so much easier, it takes the pressure off of competing to be mom of the year don't you think?

Teaching Moments from My Son

      What is it about soon to be five year olds and their mission to be obnoxious? At this point, I'm really hoping that it's just a stage and my son will not grow up to be a not so funny comedian. Lately our mornings begin with him kissing my rear (yes, my rear) and then farting before he dashes off screaming like a loony tune character.
     In his eyes, everything is a joke or can be, plus the more he can irritate Mommy, so much the better! When I've had enough, and begin chasing him through the house to send him to his room, he finds this hysterically funny. He also considers farts, burps, and strange repetitive nosies funny too.
     As annoying as my son is at the moment, I have to sit back and admire his zest for life. He will be five next month and has a unique perspective on life, he enjoys the simplicity of what he's been given. He somehow seems to know that life is a gift and every moment, good or bad is to be enjoyed. Case in point, when the poor kid has diarrhea, he will nearly fall off the toilet as he laughs robustly about the nosies coming from his other end. Most of us would be miserable, instead Elijah is laughing about it.

    In any given case, I am trying to see the world this his eyes. Sometimes I think the very reason God wanted us to raise children is because of their fresh perspective on life, to view the world like it was brand new. As we age, we tend to lose that child-like faith and point of view, especially after trials and tribulations we all face. This perspective is especially important to me as I'm continuing to walk through some dark moments. Elijah reminds me that the God is here with us, walking besides us. We can give Him our trials and hurts still be able to smile through it all. Even though Elijah's mission in life at the moment is to be as obnoxious as possible, he is teaching his mommy some very important lessons!

How Mall Mayhem Made Me Realize How Smart Jesus Was

     "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength," I mumble through deep breaths during my time-outs. It's something I often tell myself through the challenges of motherhood. During a rare outing with my kids, we were at the mall and I was trying to complete a purchase while I gave Elijah the 'mom look', death glare, and several verbal warnings to stop acting like an uncivilized heathenistic monkey. Instead of complying, he batted his big blue eyes and told me,
"No way, I'm bored you mad cow," to which I mentally noted, no more Loony Tune Cartoons from which he learned the phrase 'mad cow' and immediately began paraphrasing my strength verse in hopes I would have the strength to stay calm and not strangle this beloved babe in public. The cashiers doubled over in laughter after watching me get on eye level with my son and telling him,
"Young man, I'm beginning to lose my patience. If I lose my patience, that means Mommy is going to need a very long time-out. And if Mommy gets a long time-out, you will also get a time-out, have I made myself clear?"
   Apparently the idea of moms getting time-out's is funny. I don't see the funniness in it at all. Jesus took time-outs away from his disciples and family in order to be closer to God, to clear his head, and to pray. If the Son of God purposely took regular time-outs, why shouldn't we as mothers? I recently read in a James Dobson book that moms should take at least one time-out a week, and yet we as mothers feel guilty doing it. Why should we feel guilty when we all know the end result of a time-out is rest, clarity, collected saneness, and maybe a cute outfit or two?
    The next time you find yourself threatening your child with a time-out, make a mental note to plan one for yourself this week. I know I will!

The Shape of Motherhood

     Ever feel like a ball of play dough? If I were to describe myself at the moment, that would be it, a fresh new peice of play dough that is no longer sitting round and unshaped in its container. Instead, I'm in God's hands being smashed, kneaded, pulled apart, and reshaped. In this new season of motherhood, there are several things reshaping my heart, my view of motherhood and God. Cheyenne's diagnosis of Aspergers squeezed everything I knew about God in my heart. Then there's a new development in my son's behaviors, which is leading us down a familiar road of A.D.H.D., all the while, I'm trying to balance my writing career, on top of juggling the mommy domestic dailies and the new behavior and learning issues of my first two kids.
    God is using all these circumstances to tug and pull me into the shape He wants me to be, and here I thought motherhood was about raising kids. In reality, God is using motherhood to shape me. He is using my children to bring to the surface areas that need His hands. He is molding me because I need Him. We all need Him. If we are willing to place ourselves in His hands, count on God molding, shaping and reshaping you into the design He intended. Tricia Goyer's book title caught my eye, the book Blue Like Play Dough: the shape of motherhood in the grip of God says it all. It speaks volumes to my heart in one sentence. Though I haven't read the book yet, I can imagine how God used motherhood to shape her heart as well.
     In a way we all are like balls of play dough and God is asking us if we want to be shaped for His design. It's up to us to bring our insecurities, our worries, our perceptions to Him. In the process of life, He will use our children as His hands to do the shaping. It comes through the sleepless nights, insisting on whats best for your toddler and so much more. He will use diangosis' of disorders to tugg our hearts into the direction He wants us to lead. Though sometimes it's painful, He alone sees the finished design.

Time & Balance: Your Way or His Way.

    

     The shock and surprise of our new addition still hasn't worn off. It's been maybe seventy-two hours and already I'm in the 'what if' mode. Chris and I had dreamed about having another child, we talked about maybe going to see a specialist next year to start the fertility process. Apparently the fertility doctor won't be needed, according to all five pregnancy tests and the doctors confirmation last week. Dreaming about something like this and doing it are two very different things in my book! Dreaming means in my time and in my way.

    As I lay in bed, I wondered what God was up to. I just didn't see how the timing of this baby was good, besides if it were according to my timing, this baby would have been born in December to follow my other children's ages and birthday's--all born from oldest to youngest in September, October and November. December makes sense, April doesn't.

    The timing of it all doesn't make sense. This year we are bracing ourselves between Cheyenne's recent diagnosis of Autism, preparing for the homework battle, running her to therapy, and I've taken on the position as Kearney's MOPS coordinator for the next three years. In my book, having another baby right now isn't a good time.

     As I rolled over yet again, my heart bursting with joy over this new arrival and then bouncing to the 'what ifs', my heart recalled a verse from Romans. Romans 8:28 says, "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose." As this thought took root, I saw what God had planned, as this year progresses, so will the pregnancy while I attend to Cheyenne's needs. I'll be able to balance MOPS and my two little ones. The baby will arrive in April, just before school and MOPS ends. We will have all summer to welcome and adjust  to this new bundle of joy before school and MOPS starts again. Apparently God's plans are so much better than mine!