Move, You're In The Way

(Photo Source: www.utne.com)

        

     How many times have you been forcing to make something happen in your own strength? This past Sunday, as the Pastor touched on the Lord's Prayer. He described a story of a little boy who wanted to help his Daddy move a desk across the room. The father began pushing and the little boy braced his shoulder against the desk, and told his father, "Move Dad, you're in the way." Daddy of course chuckled and obliged his son's request.

The four year old little boy, pushed with all his might, but the desk would not move.

     Have you been there? You're working on a project with God, you know He's got your back, but the timing is moving too slow. Maybe it's not moving in the direction you wanted. You've told God, "Move out of the way, buddy, I got it," only to realize that when God steps back and says, "Have it your way," you find that life isn't moving anywhere?

     I've been there, in more ways that one. I was there for two years trying to get pregnant. I was there trying to make a career in management work. I was there when I was trying to avoid all charges of a felony offense. I was there when I was trying to make my marriage work.

     In case you haven't noticed, I tend to be a stubborn learner, with an education through the school of hard knocks, I've learned that unless I'm walking side by side with God, life doesn't move. If I run ahead of God, I'm pushing that desk all by myself. It's not until we invite God into our lives, that His strength begins being poured into us, when we say, "God, Your will be done, not mine. Walk with me Lord through this journey, show me Your way, and help me. I surrender."

    Yeah, I know what you're saying, "Surrender, that's a big word and huge effort." Surrendering doesn't mean we become powerless, it means we become filled with His power. It flows out of His spirit into ours, making the impossible happen.

   Whatever 'desk' you happen to be moving, invite God into your struggle, ask Him for help. You'll be amazed how quickly He moves. It reminds me of one of my favorite scripture verses:

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency]. Philippians 4:13, Amplified Bible.

     

2 Tips to Create Lasting Impressions of Our Faith for Our Kids

First, we as mothers are to love our God with all our hearts, souls, and strength; secondly, we are to impress them onto our kids. How do we help our children cultivate their own faith instead of hanging off our apron strings? Our motto of doing as I say doesn't exactly work in the area of faith!

Children are clearly not impressed with the attitude and saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” 

And neither am I for that matter, so I've been working hard to break this impression, especially when it comes to loving God. It's in what we say and do! 

Hear O’ Israel: The LORD  our God, the  LORD  is One. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to upon your hearts. Impress them on your children (Deuteronomy 6:4-7).

And Jesus reminds us the same in Mathew 22:37-40:

“Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the law and prophets hand on these two commandments.

Our Hearts, Our Strength Create Lasting Impressions.

When I speak to other moms about shaping their children, I bring a box with three little balls of play dough; each represents one of my children. Cheyenne is my brightly multi-colored soft play-dough, she is easy to mold and shape because of the sweet deposition she has. Elijah is my modeling clay, he takes more squeezing and shaping, as does my third child, Tori with her victorious spirit and strong will.

The box itself represents my heart and on top of it, I glued “Love God with all your heart.” Because of God’s commandment to impress His word onto my children, I stretch each piece of play dough and modeling clay and press it over the top of the words on top of the box. As I peel off the dough, it shows God’s words imprinted, backwards.

Breaking The Mold When They Grow Up.

Likewise, what I impress onto my children will only go so far. The play dough will only pick up what is present in my heart. If we live out our words in front of them, they will have a true mold that is waiting to be filled with their own faith as they grow up.

So each day, I look at my box and I remember God’s commandment for my kids and each day is a chance to impress on them to love God. We sing songs, we go to church, we pray at meals, we right the wrongs, and we work at molding and shaping each of our kids. Our kids won’t live godly lives because we commanded them to, it has to be impressed upon them and walked out in front of them. 

Calling Me Out When I'm Wounded: Responding to My Daughter's Take on Life

     Another crazy afternoon, a day in the life of me. Except this time, we had just picked up my oldest from school and she is still struggling to keep herself together. I juggle her assignments, Elijah's off the wall energy and Tori's victorious antics. We settle in for the evening, supper, showers, stories, and bedtime. After I get the little ones to bed, I hustle Chy into the shower. 

     She takes longer than usual, forty five minutes later, she is out, dripping wet and her eyes hold a brokenness in them. She asks me quietly if I would straighten her mound of golden brown hair.
"Sure," I say as I begin the tedious process of de-tangling and blow-drying her Shirley Temple curls. She's looking at herself in the mirror but something is different, I don't like the way she is looking at herself. She doesn't say it, so I say it for her,

     "You don't think you're good enough, do you?" Her big brown eyes begin to mist, the pressure of being in sixth grade and trying to compute the world the way everyone else does, is just too much. For those of you who have been following this blog, you know that Cheyenne has struggled in school since the beginning.

   In first grade, she floundered because she couldn't see the words like everyone else. She had to learn a completely new way to read by memorizing the look of a word. 

  In second grade, we found out, she was nearly blind on one eye. It required sporting an eye patch all day, everyday. In third, she was the little girl that the girls left out in their games, making themselves superior in her eyes. In fourth, we realized she couldn't focus and required different learning strategies with the diagnosis of Inattentive A.D.D. and recently the missing piece of the puzzle of Cheyenne was Aspergers. 

     Middle school holds all new challenges which Cheyenne has to fight through to make sense of the world. She wants to fit in, to look like everyone else, to be able to laugh at jokes, and be silly like the rest of her peers. But Cheyenne doesn't get jokes, she has curly hair, glasses, and is taller than her teacher. 
     In sixth grade, she is realizing her world is not like everyone else's, she has to fight the way her mind interprets all of its sensory mis-communications (Imagine trying to have a conversation while standing in the middle of a casino with every machine hitting jackpot at once and confetti blowing everywhere). Everything from smells wafting in the air,  to the the way her clothing feels on her body, she has to learn to tune out in order to process what is happening within the bounds of the socialization happening around her. 

     As I straighten her hair, I begin to tell her how perfect she is. 
    "God created you for something special, I don't know what it is yet, Chy, but you have gifts, abilities, and talent for the purpose God planned for you. Everything from your hair, to your heart has been made absolutely perfect. You're stunning, you're powerful because you're a child of God."
   As we stand there in the silence, the song Mean by Taylor Swift plays over the radio and we get silly. Grabbing our hairbrushes, singing along together, "You, with your words like knives, swords and weapons that you use against me. You--You've knocked me off my feet again, got me feeling like a nothing..." As we dance around our bathroom, somewhere in the middle of it, I get what she's going through, someday and soon I hope, she will be strengthened enough in who she is and not what everyone makes her out to be. 

  After hugging her skinny, five foot seven inch frame, I send her off to bed, feeling like I have no clue what I'm doing in this stage of motherhood but being real with her has somehow helped. 

    How do I encourage her when I don't understand how she sees her world? How can I cheer her on if she cannot believe in herself? All I can do is love her the best I can and continue praying that God reveals to Cheyenne the beauty and a strength that she holds all on her own. 

Is Your Life In His Hands?

Family Rescued From Car Dangling Off Bridge: ABCNEWS.COM - Rescuers save a California mother and her two daughters.

     Do you know that your life is in God's hands? It's hard to remember as you're rushing to get out the door in the mornings. Between getting kids dressed, packing lunches and the diaper bag; you tend to forget that God is there. I wonder if that's what Kelly was doing last Friday morning. As she headed out the door that morning, she had no idea that in less that an hour, her car would be dangling over a 100 foot drop, along with her two daughters, ages ten and ten months old. 
     Before she even got out of bed that morning, God knew what was going happen, her life as well as her daughters were in His hands. Because He had a plan, several divine interventions had taken place to save all of their lives. About the same time she was cruising down the interstate, troops of Army soldiers with construction vehicles were stuck in traffic within radio distance of her soon to be crash site. When the semi-truck hit her car, the truck careened over the bridge and into the ravine below, killing the driver. Moments after impact, her mangled car teetered on the edge of the bridge, with her feet dangling into nothing but air. 
     What makes this story so amazing is how God intervened with the Army Troops, and Rescue teams. Her infant daughter who was in the back seat made it out with only minor bumps and bruises. Within minutes of the crash, those soldiers had the equipment needed to keep her car from going over the edge and aided the rescue teams!
     Does stories like this cause you to pause and thank God that your life is in His hands? No matter the trouble or issues that you are facing, remember that God has it all under control, your life is in His hands. Before you get out of bed in the morning, God is there and knows what lays ahead. 
     When I  seemingly hit a wall, I trust that God already knows and has a plan. Do you have question whether God is there? Or maybe, you struggle with trusting God? Share your thoughts!

What Voice Do You Listen To?

      What is that in your hand? I asked my oldest as she trudged her way through the kitchen. Instead of showing me, she fisted her hand and put it behind her back. After reaching around her and prying it out of her hands, I read the crumpled note. Dated September 18, 2009, “Chy I love you so very much, you are amazing and God has given you so much talent.”

     It was a note I had written and stuck in her lunch box over three years ago. Chy began crying softly as I hugged her. She had just been disciplined for disobeying her dad, on top of having a school meeting with her teacher about making more effort in the classroom. The voice that was screaming in her head about how she wasn’t good enough was choking the life out of her. Despite her struggles, we as parents agreed that she needed to be treated just like everyone else, regardless of her disabilities. Yet to our precious daughter, she felt she lacked what she needed to succeed.

     Frustrated, I hugged her and sent her off to a hot shower, replaying our conversations. As her cheerleader, I’ve made every effort to encourage and reinforce she is a beautiful, talented, gifted, compassionate child. Actions speak louder than words and so do the voices in our heads. How many times have you failed at something and told yourself, “That was awesome, let’s do it again!”? I’m going to venture to guess, the conversations you have in your head tend to be more like, “Well that was sure fun, sure ain’t gonna do that again, I don’t need the world knowing that I’m a failure, I can’t get anything right!

     I am afraid to believe in myself. Everything I have ever put my heart into has backfired or failed. I’ve either created a big mess that I couldn’t clean up on my own, or I’ve gotten arrested, slapped with a fine or lost relationships over it. The voice that has set the tone for my life has been, “Don’t bother trying, you’re going to fall right on your butt, and everyone who already knows the truth, will be there to say, I told you so.”

     So when I got the letter stating, “Heather, I’ve had the opportunity to read your  manuscript(older version) and I just love it! I remember meeting you and your passion for the subject of motherhood, as a mother myself and with my background as head editor of Today’s Christian Woman magazine for 7 years, I LOVE THIS TOPIC. I also love your writing style—natural, yet pithy and very insightful and helpful. We definitely want to publish your book.”

I was completely floored. This had been the dream I had been working towards for the last two years of writing my book, Mama Needs A Time-Out.  This moment reinforced that my perspective was wrong and so was my daughter’s.  Some of us have the natural tendency to think we aren't good enough, life comes along with it’s bumps and challenges, further reinforcing the warped view we see of ourselves.

     This warped view is in the back of our minds, painting every conversation, every interaction, every struggle, and our success. It’s time to replace this warped view with how we are created. We. Do. Not. Lack. Anything.  We may be born with a predisposition of struggling with certain weaknesses, but that’s the beauty of knowing God. He works through our weaknesses, that’s when His power, His abilities, and His strength are unleashed in our lives…if we allow Him. My daughter’s principle gave me a great word picture, if you’re given a dull ax, you’re going to have to swing harder.

      No matter your inabilities, insecurities, trip ups, hang ups, mess ups. We have one choice, we can agree with the voices in our head or we can ask God for the strength to swing harder. We can either view ourselves as lacking or we can ask God for the courage and the insight to see ourselves as He sees us.

     There is power in positive thinking, but that positive thinking works better in the form of seeing ourselves with our spiritual eyes. What are your hang ups? What are your inabilities? Are you willing to step beyond yourself and ask God to give you the strength, courage and ability to swing that ax harder or rely on yourself?

It's The Little Things

     I've said it before and I'll say it again; motherhood is the school to teaching us a new perspective through the eyes of our children. I was standing in line at Wal-Mart waiting to check out, when a cover caught my eye. One of the titles stated, "25 little things that make life worth while", intrigued, I opened the cover, curiously wondering what they were talking about. 

     What did they suggest that I didn't have? 

     Disappointed, I put the magazine back. It was a mere platform to get more things. A big white, fluffy, name-brand bathrobe, make-up to create a more youthful me, accessory must haves that will make me happy. I've learned a long time ago that stuff wont make me feel better. We age, we sag, we retire from careers, and stuff wears out to mere threads. 

     It's the little things in life that make it worth while.

     Life worth living is not connected to our bank account, a big home, new decor, the brand of our clothes, or the car we drive. Believe me, I've hand my fair share of requisitioning a dream pair of heels, but it only made me happy a mere 30 minutes, (by then blisters had formed on my feet). 

    It was through the eyes of my children, where I've learned what makes life so worth while, snowflakes on my tongue, a fresh flower bud, the quietness of the night, the smell of coffee brewing in the morning. Even more so that makes me so thankful are the giggles of my babies, their somber eyes during bedtime prayer requests, bubbles in the tub, twirling in circles, the grass under our feet, and ladybugs in our hands. 

   What little things in life do you cherish? What makes it worth while to you? What do you cherish that you want to pass on to your children? It's those things we hang onto, it's so those memories in life we keep!

A Dancing Lesson

    

(I posted this in August, but with all the emails I've been getting, it's time for a refresher course on dancing!).
When we first learn to dance, someone takes us by the hands and directs our steps. How we loved to be the center of attention as we twirled and captivated our partners. From the time we are little girls learning to dance on daddy's shoes, to being all grown up, someone has held our hands as we danced.
     So how is it in the dance of life that I learned to be so independent? How is it that I decided to dance on my own? Between accepting my daughter's autism, and nearly losing this new pregnancy, I decided that it was much easier to dance by myself than to dance with God.
     Have you been there? Life has overwhelmed you with a new reality while you are still tending to healing scars? Have you decided to take on more than you can balance or maybe your partner is taking a breather; leaving you to continue dancing by yourself?
    My mentor mom Roxie called me the other day and though she was just calling to check on items for MOPS, the words she spoke sounded the end of this dance of independence. I could hear God whispering, "Heather, no worries, just follow My lead. I'm going to teach you exactly what to do. No one else can dance this dance quite like you--if you hold My hand."
     All too often life catches up to me and I am afraid to reach out to others whom God has placed in my life for friendship and support; and the friends who I do reach out to, I keep at a safe distance in the thought that I can do this by myself. Last night as I heard God speak these words to me, I realized how much more beautiful dancing can be if I have a partner and I let Him lead.
    

Joy Stolen--Take it Back.

     As moms, we face trials and tribulations sometimes on a daily basis that could drive us over the edge--can I get an amen? I faced several trials this summer with learning to accept that my oldest is Autistic. Granted, she is 12 and she is still the same little girl who has my heart, but knowing God created her this way was and still is very difficult to accept.
     Combine this new diagnosis with becoming a chauffeur to appointments nearly every afternoon of the week; not to mention struggles with homework, and raising two other kids, I had lost my joy in being a mother. While I struggled with accepting our new lifestyle and routine, I found out I was pregnant, only to have the joy of anticipation stolen through miscarriage.
     All of this left me breathless and joyless. Have you felt this way? Has a situation or circumstance left you spinning? You wonder what God is up to while feeling a bit perturbed that He allowed it. Yet, we forget one very important thing...the enemy. The enemy prowls the earth looking to steal our joy, if he succeeds, he can take you down with him. The scriptures say he has prowls outside our doorsteps looking to kill, steal, and destroy.
    As creepy as the thought is that there is something lurking outside our doors while we snuggle with our little ones, we need to remember what Romans 8:35, 37-39 says, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Because we cannot be separated from the Lord, He is walking the every day trials with us. When we feel as if we have been side-swiped through something like a miscarriage, we need to remember He is still there, carrying us, shielding us from the darts of the enemy.
   I had lost my joy because I allowed the feelings of defeat to be bigger than God. I forgot that we are more than conquerors in Christ. There will be trials, heartaches and headaches, that much is a guarantee. Yet if we continue to keep our focus on Jesus and how much He loves us, we will still have our joy because it rests alone in Him.

MomSense

    I think I'm finally getting used to my own ways of being a mom, everyone has a different mothering style, voice, tone, technique and approach. So imagine how excited I was to review this year's theme for MOPS and to read the book, MomSense. Jean Blackmer, an acquaintance of mine who wrote MomSense simplifies motherhood. Instead of getting caught up in the hype of what could damage your child, the best way to potty train, breast versus bottle, and more, she encourages moms to take in all the advice, listen to your own instincts and do what works for you and your family.
        This insight is something I definitely need to be reminded of often. I used to feel bad as I watched other moms use quiet tones and distractions, while I was busy defining exactly where the boundaries were each and every moment for my kids. My parenting style needed to be different and I wondered if it was such a bad thing. That's just it, MomSense is about trusting your own instincts, weighing the options of professional advice and running with what works for your child. Sometimes the stage changes and you have to stand back and weigh the options again. Learning to accept who you are and what works for your family makes motherhood oh so much easier, it takes the pressure off of competing to be mom of the year don't you think?

Teaching Moments from My Son

      What is it about soon to be five year olds and their mission to be obnoxious? At this point, I'm really hoping that it's just a stage and my son will not grow up to be a not so funny comedian. Lately our mornings begin with him kissing my rear (yes, my rear) and then farting before he dashes off screaming like a loony tune character.
     In his eyes, everything is a joke or can be, plus the more he can irritate Mommy, so much the better! When I've had enough, and begin chasing him through the house to send him to his room, he finds this hysterically funny. He also considers farts, burps, and strange repetitive nosies funny too.
     As annoying as my son is at the moment, I have to sit back and admire his zest for life. He will be five next month and has a unique perspective on life, he enjoys the simplicity of what he's been given. He somehow seems to know that life is a gift and every moment, good or bad is to be enjoyed. Case in point, when the poor kid has diarrhea, he will nearly fall off the toilet as he laughs robustly about the nosies coming from his other end. Most of us would be miserable, instead Elijah is laughing about it.

    In any given case, I am trying to see the world this his eyes. Sometimes I think the very reason God wanted us to raise children is because of their fresh perspective on life, to view the world like it was brand new. As we age, we tend to lose that child-like faith and point of view, especially after trials and tribulations we all face. This perspective is especially important to me as I'm continuing to walk through some dark moments. Elijah reminds me that the God is here with us, walking besides us. We can give Him our trials and hurts still be able to smile through it all. Even though Elijah's mission in life at the moment is to be as obnoxious as possible, he is teaching his mommy some very important lessons!

The Confident Mom

    

    What is it about entering a room full of your peers and you're suddenly launched back into middle school with the geeky glasses, painted on jeans, and a bad perm? This is how I felt every time I entered a room full of other moms. Now add to the fact that I all I saw of these women were their abilities to mother in ways I could not. They were calmer, more affectionate, more creative and more patient. Now I know I shouldn't compare but I somehow felt I missed the memo on motherhood; I wondered how they seemed to have it together and I didn't.  When our kids played together in groups, I was apologetic of my child's behavior and felt poorly dressed in my decades old jeans and tees, while the other moms seemed so polished with well behaved preschoolers.
    Motherhood was never really part of my plans and now I that I am one, I feel like I'm winging it most of the time (and I love motherhood by the way). One afternoon while I was having another ranting session with God, asking Him for the millionth time to tame my children's behaviors, He spoke to my heart.  He knew my abilities, my personality, my temperament. He then created children that He knew I could parent. It was time to stop comparing myself to other moms and embrace who I am as a mother. It was time to embrace how other moms mothered as well. He was asking me to be okay with myself and be the bold mom He created me to be (and maybe take some time to go shopping). It reminds me of verse Psalms 118:8, "It is better to trust in the Lord that to put confidence in man." He doesn't want us comparing ourselves to others for our confidence, instead we need to keep our eyes on Him!